Ep: 038 "The Vulcan Warrior" Interview with Stephanie Czajkowski

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I think I'm saying that we struggle all our lives to answer it.

[00:00:04] [SPEAKER_00]: But it's the struggle that is important.

[00:00:07] [SPEAKER_00]: That's what helps us to define our place in the universe.

[00:00:10] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Beverly, Dr. Beverly, Dr. Beverly Crusher.

[00:00:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Honest.

[00:00:17] [SPEAKER_02]: Forceful.

[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Trusting.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Brilliant.

[00:00:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Strong.

[00:00:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Adventurous.

[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_01]: And this is Crusher Convo.

[00:00:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Hello, everyone, and welcome to Crusher Convo, where we are crushing the conversation.

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_01]: One episode at a time.

[00:00:35] [SPEAKER_01]: I have a very special guest with me today who has an amazing resume from shows like Doom Control, The Rookie, Grey's Anatomy, and my absolute favorite of all time, Bones.

[00:00:45] [SPEAKER_01]: And of course you guys know her as Lieutenant Tavine from Season 3 of Star Trek Picard, an absolute privilege to have Stephanie Czajkowski here today.

[00:00:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Hi, Stephanie.

[00:00:54] [SPEAKER_01]: How are you?

[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for having me.

[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so glad that you were able to take your time with me today.

[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Like I said a little bit backstage, I was very inspired by your talk with Tim and I was like, I really got to get you on the show because as I explained, Beverly Crusher represents a lot about Trek.

[00:01:12] [SPEAKER_01]: And I think what you're doing right now also represents a lot about what Trek represents.

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_01]: So thank you for everything that you're doing with your time and just being a voice for many different people and in different topics.

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, it's my pleasure and also I'm really thankful to Trek to kind of have amplified my voice a little bit because you can speak into, I mean not that it makes it more important than anyone else's space because that's not it.

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_02]: It's just like a platform to find even more people who you agree with and you can build community with in communities which changes the world.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, exactly.

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's what Gene was trying to do, right?

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_01]: He wanted to have a better future.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_01]: And so I think that is what we're all trying to strive to do is to do better.

[00:02:04] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:02:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to start off with this question because now when I saw you on FSF Popcast, so hi Tim.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_01]: You had mentioned your inspirations which was the Brady Bunch, Olivia Newton-John with obviously.

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_01]: And Carrie Fisher.

[00:02:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Now I really wanted to talk to you about Carrie for a moment because I am also a huge fan of Carrie Fisher and Grand Star Wars.

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_01]: I also loved how open she was about her mental health and that was what was a big inspiration for me.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_01]: So what was it about Carrie or in part her character as Leia that truly inspired you?

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_02]: I think it was the fact that I growing up as a kid because when I was growing up we only looked at people through and lots of people are fighting this right now.

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_02]: Through the idea of what binary is like your girl or your boy you only do these things, right?

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_02]: And it was refreshing specifically because my first exposure to her was Star Wars was to see a princess.

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_02]: But a princess who just had balls was just like tough shit, you know?

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_02]: And to that point and then eventually you watch her ascend as you watch the movies.

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_02]: And even as a human just being really open and brash and when I saw her in other things afterwards just being like hell yeah man.

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_02]: Like a real broad who tells it like it is which I love that.

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_02]: And I think it was important at least for me to see because that's kind of how I've always been.

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I think I've been very comfortable in my skin since a child and I totally credit that to my mother and my father as well but mostly my mother.

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_02]: But also coming into a world and coming in specifically deciding and really having a passion for film and television and theater where even as we're telling story

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_02]: and we're trying to expand the worlds around us for a very long time only showing women or people who don't necessarily fit into the binary in the way that is traditionally been proposed.

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_02]: It was I think just something I took inspiration from because it's taken a long time for me to find my place like you know in its own right because I've known who I am.

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_02]: But also when you recognize how people are scripting and writing story, you also recognize that sometimes you don't fit into their story and you know when you realize that you don't fit into a lot of story

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_02]: because you are taller or bigger or stronger or you know are different.

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_02]: It takes a minute to find where you fit in and for me specifically in film and television at first it was anybody who held a gun.

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_02]: It was cops and firefighters and when I really kind of find my footing was in genre.

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_02]: It was you know which also was something I always wanted to do so it was you know those things coming together but coming together after I've been at this for a pretty long time was really kind of like coming home.

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh absolutely.

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean and we had a lot of amazing characters.

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I was born in 85 so I was kind of born into all this but like we had Leia, Maron, Ravenwood.

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean that's the way you walk in and she's just drink.

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_02]: I did.

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_02]: I used to work at a bar and actually I did that to dude once he was just like alright well I want to drink tequila and I was like going to buy me shot.

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_02]: He's like well I get to pick with the shot is like okay what do you want.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_02]: And I literally was just like I laid down like five shots of ticket.

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_02]: I did not get sick.

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_02]: I was like he got like he got sick like he had to pay for it and he left and I was like I need pizza right now.

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_01]: That is awesome.

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Those are the days right.

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Which is why you know it's funny because I did not know anything about Star Trek at that time.

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_01]: I was big on Star Wars.

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Leia was my girl right and I didn't know anything about Star Trek until actually the only thing I didn't know about Star Trek until.

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_01]: The only thing I knew about Star Trek was Kirk Spock and bones.

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Those were literally the only things my dad had a mug, a heat sensitive mug where they just you know energized and that was it.

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_01]: That's all I knew.

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, and I met my husband in college and he was a huge TNG fan.

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I was like Star Trek.

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_01]: That's not my thing.

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_01]: 18 years later, I finally watched The Next Generation and here it comes with Gateswick Fett.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, here it comes with Gateswick Fett as Beverly Crush.

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I like her because that's who she was.

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_01]: She took no crap.

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_01]: She was a single mom.

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_01]: She was a commander.

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_01]: She was running her own department.

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, that's that was actually a lot of women in my family.

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, that was representing someone that I grew up.

[00:07:07] [SPEAKER_01]: I was a single mom and mom was a single mom of three kids.

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Like that was what I remember.

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_01]: So it's always nice to see that represented.

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, well, it's hard to imagine.

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, Michelle Hurds talked about this a lot and you know just about.

[00:07:21] [SPEAKER_02]: The original series and Michelle and there's Michelle next.

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_02]: And I said, oh my God, Michelle Nichols Nichols Nichols.

[00:07:29] [SPEAKER_02]: I said Nixon one, but it is it is hard to see.

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_02]: It is hard to imagine yourself somewhere if you haven't seen it before, you know, right?

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_01]: That was the whole why Whippy Goldberg wanted to be on The Next Generation.

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, like Star Trek was my jam because of Michelle Nichols.

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Like she gave away for so many.

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Now going back to your, your, your work as I had mentioned earlier, here's a little.

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Here's your little slide here.

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_01]: So of course, like I said, like Doom Patrol, you run phones, Grey's Anatomy,

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Rookie, a call to the wild and of course Star Trek card.

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_01]: This is literally guys as a smidget of her work.

[00:08:09] [SPEAKER_01]: So hit IMDB.

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_01]: You did.

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_01]: I never saw the calls of the wild because it has like there's animals and I have this thing.

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_01]: I've watched your movies and shows with animals.

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_01]: Did you work with Harrison in that movie?

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_02]: I was in the same scene as Harrison.

[00:08:23] [SPEAKER_02]: I did not work with him directly.

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_02]: You got a letter, but just not for me.

[00:08:28] [SPEAKER_02]: Like I gave a letter to someone else and he got a letter from someone else,

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_02]: but it wasn't for me.

[00:08:32] [SPEAKER_02]: But I didn't get to breathe it around and I didn't get to breathe the air.

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_02]: He was, you know, he was in.

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, that's close enough.

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_02]: He's like, I gotta say, like it was one of those things because I get weird about

[00:08:48] [SPEAKER_02]: approaching, especially when I'm on set.

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Like there's a lot of people I know who will be like, oh my God,

[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_02]: can I take a picture with you?

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_02]: And I have a tendency to not do that because I feel like it puts me in a weird

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_02]: frame of mind where I, I, I psych myself out and turn myself into this

[00:09:03] [SPEAKER_02]: thing that doesn't, doesn't feel that I deserve to be there.

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, so I, it makes me nervous.

[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_02]: So, and I also don't want to be like, oh, I'm a fledging fan.

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_02]: Like, because I want to be like, well, I'm an actor too.

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_02]: And I, and not in a nerdy way, but like, not in a like way,

[00:09:18] [SPEAKER_02]: but for me, I also am just like, you know, if it comes up, we'll talk,

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_02]: but I'm not going to force a conversation or whatever.

[00:09:25] [SPEAKER_02]: But there was a point where we were holding and usually you'll go

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_02]: back to your trailer or whatever.

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_02]: And the way the set was is they had a practical bar that they shot

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_02]: it. And so they used it for holding for myself, for, for the other,

[00:09:41] [SPEAKER_02]: the assistant postmaster and for Kara and Omar, Omar Sy.

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_02]: And we were all just kind of hanging there.

[00:09:47] [SPEAKER_02]: And then Terry, Terry who played the dog, who was the dog is it's all,

[00:09:52] [SPEAKER_02]: you know, CGI.

[00:09:53] [SPEAKER_02]: And there was a dog they had, but he played the dog.

[00:09:56] [SPEAKER_02]: And Harrison also, when he was there, he was in that,

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_02]: you know, that holding as well.

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_02]: And there were extras who kind of wander in there,

[00:10:03] [SPEAKER_02]: but he was just super cool.

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_02]: Like anybody who talked to him, he's super cool.

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_02]: And I remember going, because I had to get shot from all these angles,

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_02]: because when they do CGI, they have to potentially like fix stuff afterwards or whatever.

[00:10:14] [SPEAKER_02]: It's one of the things that like became a big thing in our,

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_02]: in our contract.

[00:10:17] [SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, I've already done that.

[00:10:18] [SPEAKER_02]: What does that mean?

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_02]: And they're like, oh yeah, they can't use that.

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Like the technology is dual.

[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, oh great.

[00:10:23] [SPEAKER_02]: But we're coming back and just seeing him like laying on packing blankets

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_02]: on the floor, just taking a nap.

[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Just like super cool around, like not being like,

[00:10:32] [SPEAKER_02]: I need to go to my trailer, blah, blah, blah.

[00:10:34] [SPEAKER_02]: Just really cool, cool cat.

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_02]: Just a really cool cat.

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_01]: That's awesome.

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_01]: I've always heard great things about Harrison.

[00:10:42] [SPEAKER_01]: And like I said earlier, I'm a huge fan of bones.

[00:10:46] [SPEAKER_01]: And it was so funny because and as I was reading your IMDB,

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh my gosh, she was Helga Thisk in that episode.

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_02]: I was like, heck yeah.

[00:10:58] [SPEAKER_02]: I threw my, I was like, it's so funny because I went in as you do when

[00:11:03] [SPEAKER_02]: you try to find your place.

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_02]: Like you meet casting directors who like you and they call you back

[00:11:07] [SPEAKER_02]: for stuff and they think that you're right for it.

[00:11:09] [SPEAKER_02]: And sometimes you fit and sometimes you don't.

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_02]: But if you know, they just keep coming back,

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_02]: they keep calling you back because they want you to like fit you in.

[00:11:16] [SPEAKER_02]: And that was one of those roles.

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_02]: I remember I got it and I was like, oh yeah.

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh yeah.

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Like I went, I, as opposed to having to do like a first

[00:11:23] [SPEAKER_02]: edition, I went straight to producers.

[00:11:25] [SPEAKER_02]: Like I went like, because I think they were like, oh, this is the one.

[00:11:28] [SPEAKER_02]: Like this is it.

[00:11:30] [SPEAKER_02]: And it just was like, it was, it was one of those things that I'm

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_02]: like, yeah.

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_02]: And then I got, and I actually threw the axe.

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Like I threw the axe in the first, in the first scene,

[00:11:41] [SPEAKER_02]: I'd never thrown an axe before.

[00:11:43] [SPEAKER_02]: I used to play softball as a kid.

[00:11:45] [SPEAKER_02]: And they showed me because they had,

[00:11:46] [SPEAKER_02]: they had flown in this lumberjack show.

[00:11:50] [SPEAKER_02]: So in terms of being an extra, it was amazing because literally

[00:11:53] [SPEAKER_02]: a bunch of extras got to come watch a lumberjack show.

[00:11:55] [SPEAKER_02]: And you know lumberjack shows in California?

[00:11:58] [SPEAKER_02]: So they had flown this lumberjack show in from like Minnesota,

[00:12:01] [SPEAKER_02]: I think.

[00:12:02] [SPEAKER_02]: And they had me, you know, throw the practicing,

[00:12:04] [SPEAKER_02]: throwing the axe and I managed to do it.

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_02]: And I remember David Boreanas coming up and being like, yeah,

[00:12:11] [SPEAKER_02]: it's how long you've been doing that.

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like about 20 minutes.

[00:12:15] [SPEAKER_02]: About 20 minutes.

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_02]: That felt very cool.

[00:12:18] [SPEAKER_02]: And one of the, one of the P,

[00:12:20] [SPEAKER_02]: I think it was one of the PAs actually took a video of me like

[00:12:24] [SPEAKER_02]: practicing and doing it.

[00:12:25] [SPEAKER_02]: So I have like, like it is a skill-ish cause I've gone to like

[00:12:29] [SPEAKER_02]: axe throwing places and I've never been quite as good as I was on the day.

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_01]: But it's amazing because like, did you ever think like one day

[00:12:35] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to go on a show and I'm throwing an axe?

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Like that's,

[00:12:38] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I mean, that is the best.

[00:12:40] [SPEAKER_02]: That is my favorite part of this.

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_02]: One of my favorite parts is learn, look,

[00:12:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I love stage combat had again, had I went to theater school

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_02]: and they had stage combat, but they didn't have like stunts.

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_02]: Like, and you want to start stunts when you're young,

[00:12:56] [SPEAKER_02]: when you're less fear afraid of like, like breaking something.

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_02]: Like you, you want to start that shit when you're like,

[00:13:02] [SPEAKER_02]: I could do anything.

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_02]: I am now in my 30s and you want me to jump off what?

[00:13:09] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, yeah.

[00:13:11] [SPEAKER_02]: But it's the most fun is to learn a new skill.

[00:13:14] [SPEAKER_02]: And you know, that's one of my favorite things is learning new skills,

[00:13:16] [SPEAKER_02]: being exposed to, you know, a deeper look into a world that I knew

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_02]: about, but didn't didn't know as much, you know.

[00:13:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:13:25] [SPEAKER_01]: I talked with John Billingsley back in July and he had done an

[00:13:28] [SPEAKER_01]: episode of Bones and he just said it was a really cool set to be on.

[00:13:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Everyone was nice.

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Everyone was cool.

[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_01]: He said he didn't really get to work with a lot of the actors.

[00:13:38] [SPEAKER_01]: He mostly worked with Emily because they had a scene together,

[00:13:40] [SPEAKER_01]: but he was like, it was just a really nice, nice.

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I could see that my daughter grew up with the show.

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Like I was pregnant with her when I started it.

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_01]: And she's still watching the DVDs right now, like going to sleep.

[00:13:50] [SPEAKER_01]: She's like watching and I'm like, it sounds so weird, but that's just a comfort.

[00:13:54] [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, you know, it's like, it's comfort.

[00:13:56] [SPEAKER_02]: It's like comfort food a little bit. Right?

[00:13:58] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_02]: Emily in particular.

[00:14:00] [SPEAKER_02]: She was, Dave was great, but Emily was just very welcoming.

[00:14:03] [SPEAKER_02]: And that's always weird to be like a guest on a show that's been

[00:14:07] [SPEAKER_02]: going for a really long time because you're stepping into someone's

[00:14:12] [SPEAKER_02]: party, right?

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_02]: And you want to bring something and there's a little more grace granted.

[00:14:17] [SPEAKER_02]: It's funny because there's a little more grace granted when you have a

[00:14:19] [SPEAKER_02]: bigger role.

[00:14:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Or so it feels like, because it's a, and you get treated a little

[00:14:24] [SPEAKER_02]: differently as opposed to like, I'm here with three lines and you're

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_02]: like, I just don't fuck it up.

[00:14:28] [SPEAKER_02]: Like, just don't fuck it up.

[00:14:31] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, don't take time because this is, you know, whatever.

[00:14:35] [SPEAKER_01]: But now was there, was there anything in your acting career that

[00:14:40] [SPEAKER_01]: any show you guess it on or things like that, that you wish you

[00:14:43] [SPEAKER_01]: can go back to as that character?

[00:14:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Like you had such a great experience where you're like, I hope I

[00:14:47] [SPEAKER_01]: could come back and do this again or maybe continue with the

[00:14:52] [SPEAKER_01]: story somehow.

[00:14:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Like, where is Helga?

[00:14:55] [SPEAKER_01]: What happened?

[00:14:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:14:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, she, a sad story, just a spoiler alert guys.

[00:15:01] [SPEAKER_01]: The woman she fell in love with died.

[00:15:03] [SPEAKER_01]: So that didn't end well for Helga.

[00:15:04] [SPEAKER_02]: She's not, she's broken up, you know, from a gunter or

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_02]: whatever.

[00:15:09] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like friend Trevor.

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_02]: He was great.

[00:15:12] [SPEAKER_02]: Um, I think above and beyond, like I really, my experience on

[00:15:16] [SPEAKER_02]: Doom Patrol was so lovely and it was such a lovely show.

[00:15:20] [SPEAKER_02]: And I would love to see, you know, I always wished that

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Hammerhead could come to the surface and so I think, I think

[00:15:27] [SPEAKER_02]: it would be, it's kind of a tie because I would love to

[00:15:30] [SPEAKER_02]: see both Hammerhead do more, although they wrap that up so

[00:15:35] [SPEAKER_02]: beautifully and, you know, I wish they would find a way to

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_02]: reconstitute Tavine and go into legacy because, you know, I

[00:15:45] [SPEAKER_02]: would love to see her.

[00:15:48] [SPEAKER_02]: Some of my favorite work on Picard was like there's one

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_02]: scene where, you know, Ed came in and pretended to shoot

[00:15:53] [SPEAKER_02]: everybody.

[00:15:54] [SPEAKER_02]: And it was the one scene that I was talking science

[00:15:57] [SPEAKER_02]: babble, but it was to a human, like another person, like

[00:16:00] [SPEAKER_02]: talking about how much I loved it.

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Like, isn't it fascinating?

[00:16:02] [SPEAKER_02]: I could say fascinating.

[00:16:03] [SPEAKER_02]: And I would like to explore more of who she was as a

[00:16:08] [SPEAKER_02]: person, you know, or as a spoken Delta and, you know,

[00:16:11] [SPEAKER_02]: combo.

[00:16:12] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if you've seen it on social media.

[00:16:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I want to say if it's Letters for Legacy maybe.

[00:16:18] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh yeah.

[00:16:18] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh yeah, I've seen it.

[00:16:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah.

[00:16:20] [SPEAKER_01]: It's the twin sister to Veeber like bring it.

[00:16:23] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, that's what you're like, hey, she got a

[00:16:26] [SPEAKER_02]: twin sister.

[00:16:26] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, yeah, I'm going to find you.

[00:16:27] [SPEAKER_02]: Sure.

[00:16:28] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, if you're going to be able to.

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_02]: I had no hair.

[00:16:30] [SPEAKER_02]: There's a lot of options.

[00:16:32] [SPEAKER_02]: I, you know, I'm like, I can, I can Jeffrey combs it.

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_02]: I could come back.

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I would love to play that character or someone

[00:16:38] [SPEAKER_02]: in that, you know, someone from that family who

[00:16:40] [SPEAKER_02]: that same looks would be interesting, but I'm also

[00:16:42] [SPEAKER_02]: just like you, you can stick some prosthetics on.

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_02]: I'd be happy.

[00:16:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I would be happy to be the long lost, you know,

[00:16:48] [SPEAKER_02]: the long lost daughter of a wharf, you know,

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_02]: somehow related to my love.

[00:16:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, that's totally fine.

[00:16:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Now going back to Picard, was there anything about

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_01]: your experience about playing Lieutenant Tavine

[00:17:02] [SPEAKER_01]: or like were you a Trek fan before?

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_01]: I was.

[00:17:06] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I grew up mostly in Star Wars as well.

[00:17:08] [SPEAKER_02]: Like when I was that was one of the, I was like, oh my

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_02]: God, I want to be Princess Leia.

[00:17:13] [SPEAKER_02]: My father had been a original series fan and to

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_02]: my recollection, the first movie I saw in the

[00:17:22] [SPEAKER_02]: theater was Star Trek, the movie, which

[00:17:26] [SPEAKER_02]: and then from then my dad would watch the original

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_02]: series while doing his homework because he did

[00:17:31] [SPEAKER_02]: night school, he had a job and he did night school

[00:17:33] [SPEAKER_02]: for college.

[00:17:34] [SPEAKER_02]: And then he was a big TNG fan.

[00:17:38] [SPEAKER_02]: My mom was a seamstress and costume maker and

[00:17:42] [SPEAKER_02]: when the voyage home came out, we like did a

[00:17:47] [SPEAKER_02]: balloon arch for a premiere of special premiere

[00:17:50] [SPEAKER_02]: of something where she had also made those

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_02]: admiral jackets.

[00:17:54] [SPEAKER_02]: Like she used to make cosplay before cosplay was

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_02]: cool.

[00:17:57] [SPEAKER_02]: So it's been threaded, it has been threaded

[00:18:00] [SPEAKER_02]: throughout my life and I did not realize both of

[00:18:03] [SPEAKER_02]: my parents are deceased.

[00:18:04] [SPEAKER_02]: And so it did not realize to the depth, you

[00:18:09] [SPEAKER_02]: know, because whenever I knew Star Trek movie

[00:18:10] [SPEAKER_02]: come out, I'd go see it.

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_02]: It was part of my upbringing, but it wasn't

[00:18:15] [SPEAKER_02]: something I necessarily sought out.

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_02]: So I did not prepare, I think, for how deeply I

[00:18:26] [SPEAKER_02]: would be affected by walking on that bridge.

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Just knowing how special it was, knowing how

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_02]: my father had passed away, I think three years

[00:18:37] [SPEAKER_02]: in 2017 and just the idea of, oh my God,

[00:18:43] [SPEAKER_02]: how amazing would it have been to be able

[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_02]: to bring him to a premiere and introduce him

[00:18:49] [SPEAKER_02]: to Michael Dorn?

[00:18:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Because there's like a long story about how I

[00:18:53] [SPEAKER_02]: used to sell stuff on eBay and we happened

[00:18:56] [SPEAKER_02]: to, when he came out to visit me once, we

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_02]: found a used jacket that was like his size

[00:19:01] [SPEAKER_02]: because he was like 6'3", and like 250

[00:19:03] [SPEAKER_02]: pounds.

[00:19:04] [SPEAKER_02]: And it turned out that it was Michael Dorn's

[00:19:06] [SPEAKER_02]: jacket.

[00:19:07] [SPEAKER_02]: It used to be Michael Dorn's jacket.

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_02]: And that's Jack, it was a very nice jacket.

[00:19:12] [SPEAKER_02]: And so he cleaned it and he had retired

[00:19:15] [SPEAKER_02]: and he would go out on dates, match.com in

[00:19:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Vegas and he would be like, he would wear

[00:19:21] [SPEAKER_02]: that jacket because this is the man his

[00:19:23] [SPEAKER_02]: fashion sense was like flame Hawaiian

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_02]: shirts and a lot of shorts and a lot of

[00:19:31] [SPEAKER_02]: sweatpants.

[00:19:32] [SPEAKER_02]: So this was like his thing, it was an

[00:19:33] [SPEAKER_02]: Armani, but it wasn't a Armani, it was

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_02]: Armani and it was tan and it was linen

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_02]: and it was gorgeous.

[00:19:40] [SPEAKER_02]: He wore that damn jacket and every time

[00:19:43] [SPEAKER_02]: he went out he'd be like, do you know Michael

[00:19:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Dorn or from Star Trek?

[00:19:48] [SPEAKER_02]: This is his jacket.

[00:19:50] [SPEAKER_02]: And if anybody know who Michael Dorn was

[00:19:51] [SPEAKER_02]: that was like a, but he wore it everywhere

[00:19:55] [SPEAKER_02]: enough so that when he passed away,

[00:19:57] [SPEAKER_02]: when he passed away there are a few items

[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_02]: of his clothes we kept and one of them

[00:20:00] [SPEAKER_02]: was that jacket.

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_02]: So when you fast forward and I got to

[00:20:03] [SPEAKER_02]: be on the show, I was like, and it

[00:20:05] [SPEAKER_02]: turned out Michael was going to be on

[00:20:06] [SPEAKER_02]: like eventually I got to tell him

[00:20:08] [SPEAKER_02]: the story at the premiere and he was

[00:20:10] [SPEAKER_02]: like, you got a picture of that jacket?

[00:20:12] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, I do.

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_02]: But show him pictures, he's like, I remember

[00:20:15] [SPEAKER_02]: that jacket, I was bigger guy then.

[00:20:16] [SPEAKER_02]: That's a good jacket.

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, well, I'm like, well we got

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_02]: the stain out.

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_02]: It won't fit you now.

[00:20:22] [SPEAKER_00]: That's fascinating.

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_00]: So you came full circle and

[00:20:25] [SPEAKER_02]: it was a full circle.

[00:20:29] [SPEAKER_02]: That's amazing.

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_02]: It was very much a full circle.

[00:20:31] [SPEAKER_02]: Like that experience of playing

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_02]: to being in how I built her,

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_02]: you know, how I built her and

[00:20:38] [SPEAKER_02]: how I semi how I came up with

[00:20:40] [SPEAKER_02]: and how Terry agreed to allow her to

[00:20:43] [SPEAKER_02]: be slightly delton and like

[00:20:44] [SPEAKER_02]: a little bit of delton, mostly

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_02]: Vulcan, you know, with bald head and

[00:20:47] [SPEAKER_02]: everything.

[00:20:48] [SPEAKER_02]: The internals of that were very,

[00:20:50] [SPEAKER_02]: very based as kind of in

[00:20:53] [SPEAKER_02]: honor of both my parents.

[00:20:56] [SPEAKER_02]: So it was just

[00:20:58] [SPEAKER_02]: in its own little beautiful thing

[00:21:00] [SPEAKER_02]: was kind of lovely.

[00:21:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Paying tribute to your parents in that way.

[00:21:04] [SPEAKER_02]: Silent tribute, you know,

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_02]: silent tribute because it's like,

[00:21:06] [SPEAKER_02]: oh, this is how we enter these characters.

[00:21:09] [SPEAKER_02]: And oh, this reminds me of these people.

[00:21:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I'm going to endow it with this.

[00:21:13] [SPEAKER_02]: And this is, you know, why?

[00:21:14] [SPEAKER_02]: And I know how to pull from it as more

[00:21:17] [SPEAKER_01]: awesome.

[00:21:18] [SPEAKER_01]: That's love that story.

[00:21:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Now we're going to shift

[00:21:22] [SPEAKER_01]: from your acting career

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_01]: onto your personal journey here.

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_01]: As many as many of you guys know,

[00:21:30] [SPEAKER_01]: you have been a three time survivor

[00:21:32] [SPEAKER_01]: of three different types of cancers.

[00:21:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Diabetic cancer, breast cancer and

[00:21:36] [SPEAKER_01]: renal, right?

[00:21:39] [SPEAKER_02]: No, no.

[00:21:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Kidney.

[00:21:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Kidney.

[00:21:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I cannot imagine being told

[00:21:45] [SPEAKER_01]: all this.

[00:21:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Like you were telling the story with Tim

[00:21:48] [SPEAKER_01]: about when you when you were finding out

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_01]: that you had got, you had cancer,

[00:21:51] [SPEAKER_01]: especially all those different ones.

[00:21:53] [SPEAKER_01]: And how did you just, yeah,

[00:21:54] [SPEAKER_01]: how did you just like

[00:21:56] [SPEAKER_01]: emotionally and even

[00:21:57] [SPEAKER_01]: mentally get through that?

[00:22:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Like I just

[00:22:02] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not really sure.

[00:22:03] [SPEAKER_01]: We put it in words.

[00:22:05] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not really sure.

[00:22:06] [SPEAKER_02]: I am made of

[00:22:08] [SPEAKER_02]: I think a very sturdy stuff,

[00:22:10] [SPEAKER_02]: which is both good and bad.

[00:22:15] [SPEAKER_02]: My mother was

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_02]: incredibly, my mother

[00:22:18] [SPEAKER_02]: passed away with a very rare cancer.

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_02]: And so

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_02]: I witnessed her being

[00:22:23] [SPEAKER_02]: being a super healthy person who got diagnosed

[00:22:25] [SPEAKER_02]: with a very rare blood cancer that

[00:22:27] [SPEAKER_02]: had a life expect, expectancy

[00:22:29] [SPEAKER_02]: of like 12 months.

[00:22:30] [SPEAKER_02]: And then helping to, you know,

[00:22:33] [SPEAKER_02]: find the person who would

[00:22:34] [SPEAKER_02]: treat her and then watching her

[00:22:36] [SPEAKER_02]: survive for another seven years and then

[00:22:38] [SPEAKER_02]: have it come back and blah, blah, blah.

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_02]: And for me, like

[00:22:42] [SPEAKER_02]: I think part of it is

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_02]: big loss.

[00:22:48] [SPEAKER_02]: Doesn't condition you

[00:22:49] [SPEAKER_02]: for hard things,

[00:22:51] [SPEAKER_02]: but it, you know,

[00:22:53] [SPEAKER_02]: I hate that phrase like God never gives

[00:22:55] [SPEAKER_02]: you more than you can handle.

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_02]: I can't shut up.

[00:22:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Tell me about it.

[00:23:01] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm always like, I'm like,

[00:23:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Lord, I'm not this strong.

[00:23:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Like, please stop.

[00:23:07] [SPEAKER_02]: I think I have been

[00:23:10] [SPEAKER_02]: raised and I am

[00:23:11] [SPEAKER_02]: very good

[00:23:13] [SPEAKER_02]: at compartmentalizing things

[00:23:16] [SPEAKER_02]: and that it's giving

[00:23:17] [SPEAKER_02]: good both good and bad because I think people compartmentalize

[00:23:19] [SPEAKER_02]: emotion. I think Americans do in

[00:23:21] [SPEAKER_02]: particular, which is why a lot of them are very angry

[00:23:23] [SPEAKER_02]: or very hurt and don't know how to deal with their

[00:23:25] [SPEAKER_02]: feelings is because I can

[00:23:27] [SPEAKER_02]: put something aside and then focus on something else

[00:23:29] [SPEAKER_02]: and know that it's there.

[00:23:30] [SPEAKER_02]: I think being an actor

[00:23:32] [SPEAKER_02]: is really helpful in recognizing that you

[00:23:34] [SPEAKER_02]: can hold a lot of things

[00:23:36] [SPEAKER_02]: at the same time,

[00:23:39] [SPEAKER_02]: but you don't necessarily need to

[00:23:40] [SPEAKER_02]: if you're holding something it doesn't always need to live there.

[00:23:46] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, my biggest

[00:23:47] [SPEAKER_02]: explanation of it is and I think anybody

[00:23:49] [SPEAKER_02]: who has heard

[00:23:51] [SPEAKER_02]: those words

[00:23:52] [SPEAKER_02]: is I had gone through

[00:23:55] [SPEAKER_02]: the year before

[00:23:56] [SPEAKER_02]: a just

[00:23:59] [SPEAKER_02]: year of just like

[00:24:00] [SPEAKER_02]: bang bang of like

[00:24:01] [SPEAKER_02]: losing people, having people pass away

[00:24:04] [SPEAKER_02]: which I feel like as we get older

[00:24:05] [SPEAKER_02]: happens more. I'm actually

[00:24:07] [SPEAKER_02]: pretty good friends with my grandmother. She's

[00:24:09] [SPEAKER_02]: got some dementia. She's 96, but there was

[00:24:11] [SPEAKER_02]: a point in my life where I was like

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_02]: we talked to her and she's like, happy money's dying

[00:24:15] [SPEAKER_02]: and it like and I felt like that came a lot

[00:24:17] [SPEAKER_02]: earlier for me than it came for other people

[00:24:20] [SPEAKER_03]: but

[00:24:21] [SPEAKER_02]: in 2017 it was like my dad, my uncle

[00:24:23] [SPEAKER_02]: one of my good friends from college

[00:24:25] [SPEAKER_02]: and then six months later I got my first

[00:24:27] [SPEAKER_02]: cancer diagnosis

[00:24:30] [SPEAKER_02]: and the first one was the thyroid

[00:24:31] [SPEAKER_02]: and they were like, oh it's not a big deal and so I ignored

[00:24:33] [SPEAKER_02]: it and it wasn't until I got

[00:24:34] [SPEAKER_02]: into the surgeon's office who was like, oh yeah

[00:24:37] [SPEAKER_02]: you have thyroid cancer and it's kind

[00:24:39] [SPEAKER_02]: of spread and I was like, what?

[00:24:41] [SPEAKER_02]: Because when you're

[00:24:43] [SPEAKER_02]: hearing something like that you kind of freeze

[00:24:45] [SPEAKER_02]: a little bit like you hear it and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:24:47] [SPEAKER_02]: but you don't necessarily process

[00:24:49] [SPEAKER_02]: and I think the human brain

[00:24:52] [SPEAKER_02]: just freezes on

[00:24:53] [SPEAKER_02]: things and puts them to the side

[00:24:55] [SPEAKER_02]: until it can process again

[00:24:57] [SPEAKER_02]: so for me

[00:25:00] [SPEAKER_02]: that first cancer

[00:25:01] [SPEAKER_02]: was like, oh my god, like I sat with

[00:25:03] [SPEAKER_02]: it and was like, oh god, if I die

[00:25:04] [SPEAKER_02]: they cut my throat, you know, the idea

[00:25:07] [SPEAKER_02]: specifically for me

[00:25:08] [SPEAKER_02]: I sing but I don't sing as much

[00:25:11] [SPEAKER_02]: as I used to, like I wanted to be a musical theater singer

[00:25:13] [SPEAKER_02]: or performer and ended up

[00:25:15] [SPEAKER_02]: doing more film and TV so that's

[00:25:17] [SPEAKER_02]: not something I've done in a while but

[00:25:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I sing to myself

[00:25:21] [SPEAKER_02]: and the idea of not being able to do that was terrifying

[00:25:26] [SPEAKER_02]: so that

[00:25:27] [SPEAKER_02]: that first cancer which was

[00:25:29] [SPEAKER_02]: you know, technically they're like it's an easy

[00:25:31] [SPEAKER_02]: cancer everybody has it's not a big deal

[00:25:33] [SPEAKER_02]: I really sat with

[00:25:35] [SPEAKER_02]: I think post these deaths

[00:25:37] [SPEAKER_02]: in a way that was like, okay

[00:25:40] [SPEAKER_02]: what if I die

[00:25:41] [SPEAKER_02]: like what it would

[00:25:43] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to

[00:25:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not ready to do it

[00:25:47] [SPEAKER_02]: but what it I mean it's a possibility

[00:25:49] [SPEAKER_02]: it's always a possibility so

[00:25:52] [SPEAKER_02]: if that happens

[00:25:54] [SPEAKER_02]: where am I

[00:25:55] [SPEAKER_02]: in my life what kind of person

[00:25:57] [SPEAKER_02]: it was like a taking stock really

[00:25:59] [SPEAKER_02]: you know, which I think helped

[00:26:01] [SPEAKER_02]: because I think what we

[00:26:03] [SPEAKER_02]: tend to do as humans

[00:26:06] [SPEAKER_02]: is we

[00:26:08] [SPEAKER_02]: we're scared, I mean we're scared

[00:26:09] [SPEAKER_02]: of hard things but we don't want to think about death

[00:26:11] [SPEAKER_02]: and we certainly don't want to think about our own death

[00:26:14] [SPEAKER_02]: but there is

[00:26:15] [SPEAKER_02]: some

[00:26:17] [SPEAKER_02]: for me

[00:26:18] [SPEAKER_02]: and this might not be for everybody I don't know

[00:26:20] [SPEAKER_02]: like this is just the way I did it

[00:26:22] [SPEAKER_02]: there is something

[00:26:24] [SPEAKER_02]: in sitting down and being like

[00:26:26] [SPEAKER_02]: okay, let's really

[00:26:28] [SPEAKER_02]: take stock of where I am in my life

[00:26:30] [SPEAKER_02]: even though it's not over

[00:26:32] [SPEAKER_02]: and if it is over

[00:26:35] [SPEAKER_02]: am I okay with that

[00:26:36] [SPEAKER_02]: or not okay with that

[00:26:38] [SPEAKER_02]: but am I happy doing what I'm doing

[00:26:40] [SPEAKER_02]: am I happy where I am

[00:26:41] [SPEAKER_02]: how will I feel about everything

[00:26:44] [SPEAKER_02]: in my life this far

[00:26:46] [SPEAKER_02]: and I was really fortunate that

[00:26:47] [SPEAKER_02]: well there is much more that I want to do

[00:26:51] [SPEAKER_02]: and things that I want to see

[00:26:52] [SPEAKER_02]: I was like you know what

[00:26:55] [SPEAKER_02]: I've tried to do

[00:26:56] [SPEAKER_02]: and I would have done it different and there was a regret somewhere

[00:26:58] [SPEAKER_02]: but overall I am

[00:27:02] [SPEAKER_02]: I am okay with the human

[00:27:03] [SPEAKER_02]: I am

[00:27:05] [SPEAKER_02]: and when I've done it

[00:27:06] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't have any super

[00:27:08] [SPEAKER_02]: big regrets because what's the point

[00:27:11] [SPEAKER_02]: but also

[00:27:13] [SPEAKER_02]: my life is pretty

[00:27:14] [SPEAKER_02]: fucking good and I'm pretty fucking lucky

[00:27:16] [SPEAKER_02]: you know and if

[00:27:19] [SPEAKER_02]: the universe decides

[00:27:20] [SPEAKER_02]: that it's time then

[00:27:22] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't leave as much time as I have

[00:27:24] [SPEAKER_02]: so like I went through that before

[00:27:26] [SPEAKER_02]: I had breast cancer

[00:27:28] [SPEAKER_02]: so I did all that

[00:27:29] [SPEAKER_02]: and then the day that I was going back

[00:27:32] [SPEAKER_02]: two weeks later and maybe it's because

[00:27:33] [SPEAKER_02]: instinctually I knew two weeks later

[00:27:35] [SPEAKER_02]: I went back in

[00:27:36] [SPEAKER_02]: I found the lump before I went in for

[00:27:40] [SPEAKER_02]: surgery two weeks later I went in for my follow-up

[00:27:42] [SPEAKER_02]: found out I had breast cancer

[00:27:45] [SPEAKER_02]: that day

[00:27:46] [SPEAKER_02]: in the office and it was this weird like

[00:27:48] [SPEAKER_02]: Grey's Anatomy like see this doctor

[00:27:50] [SPEAKER_02]: see this doctor go go go go

[00:27:52] [SPEAKER_02]: which does not happen which is not

[00:27:54] [SPEAKER_02]: how that works usually

[00:27:56] [SPEAKER_02]: find out and you have to go see a doctor

[00:27:58] [SPEAKER_02]: and get a rephoroma and it just happened

[00:28:00] [SPEAKER_02]: to be the

[00:28:01] [SPEAKER_02]: because I go to UCLA this is so long I'm so sorry

[00:28:04] [SPEAKER_02]: I went to see the endocrinologist

[00:28:07] [SPEAKER_02]: surgeon

[00:28:08] [SPEAKER_02]: who sees all my charts

[00:28:10] [SPEAKER_02]: and I walk in and she's like

[00:28:11] [SPEAKER_02]: what the fuck

[00:28:12] [SPEAKER_02]: and she's like alright so

[00:28:17] [SPEAKER_02]: and I'm like I don't know

[00:28:18] [SPEAKER_02]: she's like so here's the deal

[00:28:20] [SPEAKER_02]: we'll get to your follow-up but

[00:28:22] [SPEAKER_02]: you know I share office hours

[00:28:24] [SPEAKER_02]: with the senior surgeon

[00:28:25] [SPEAKER_02]: for the breast cancer

[00:28:27] [SPEAKER_02]: for the Redbone Breast Cancer Center

[00:28:29] [SPEAKER_02]: can you hang out if you hang out we can see if we can fit you in

[00:28:32] [SPEAKER_02]: so it was this woman who knew

[00:28:33] [SPEAKER_02]: who was a doctor who knew I already had

[00:28:36] [SPEAKER_02]: a cancer who had already treated me for cancer

[00:28:38] [SPEAKER_02]: basically was like alright

[00:28:39] [SPEAKER_02]: and we just hung out I was like I'm not going

[00:28:42] [SPEAKER_02]: anywhere because I'd already moved

[00:28:43] [SPEAKER_02]: this appointment earlier had my

[00:28:45] [SPEAKER_02]: primary care ready to go so that we could do the whole

[00:28:48] [SPEAKER_02]: transition process

[00:28:49] [SPEAKER_02]: but I jumped that so I went

[00:28:51] [SPEAKER_02]: ended up seeing the cancer doctor

[00:28:54] [SPEAKER_02]: like an hour or two later

[00:28:56] [SPEAKER_02]: looked at my step and was like

[00:28:57] [SPEAKER_02]: this lovely Asian woman who was like

[00:28:59] [SPEAKER_02]: ah

[00:29:01] [SPEAKER_02]: you have an old ladies cancer

[00:29:03] [SPEAKER_02]: in a young ladies body

[00:29:04] [SPEAKER_02]: and I was like

[00:29:05] [SPEAKER_02]: I was like well

[00:29:07] [SPEAKER_02]: I've always felt like it was

[00:29:10] [SPEAKER_02]: semi aggressive and it was the type it was

[00:29:12] [SPEAKER_02]: because breast cancer has all these little

[00:29:15] [SPEAKER_02]: things that make it really specific

[00:29:17] [SPEAKER_02]: and

[00:29:18] [SPEAKER_02]: then she was like well I'd like to do

[00:29:20] [SPEAKER_02]: as in one breast I want to do a mastectomy

[00:29:22] [SPEAKER_02]: with reconstruction so I'd like you to meet the plastic surgeon

[00:29:24] [SPEAKER_02]: and I'm like great

[00:29:26] [SPEAKER_02]: okay we'll do that

[00:29:27] [SPEAKER_02]: and I'm thinking I'm going to get an appointment to go

[00:29:30] [SPEAKER_02]: 15 minutes later that dude

[00:29:32] [SPEAKER_02]: rolls in and is like alright

[00:29:34] [SPEAKER_02]: poking me my husband

[00:29:36] [SPEAKER_02]: looking at me lifting up my boobs

[00:29:38] [SPEAKER_02]: like is there enough like poking

[00:29:40] [SPEAKER_02]: my stomach you know the nicest thing

[00:29:42] [SPEAKER_02]: I heard it was I wasn't heavy enough

[00:29:43] [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't have enough fat to reconstruct

[00:29:45] [SPEAKER_02]: a breast it was like oh that's nice

[00:29:48] [SPEAKER_02]: um you know by the end of this

[00:29:49] [SPEAKER_02]: all I leave and we still have

[00:29:52] [SPEAKER_02]: to go see my primary care and I

[00:29:53] [SPEAKER_02]: call her and I say hey

[00:29:56] [SPEAKER_02]: I've just done all this other stuff do I still need

[00:29:57] [SPEAKER_02]: to come see you and she's like yes yes you need to come

[00:29:59] [SPEAKER_02]: see me because she was she's a really good doctor

[00:30:02] [SPEAKER_02]: and I went to see her and she's like how are

[00:30:04] [SPEAKER_02]: you emotionally she's like do you need

[00:30:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Xanax like do you need

[00:30:08] [SPEAKER_02]: some sort of medication just for

[00:30:09] [SPEAKER_02]: anxiety and I'm like I think I'm okay and she's

[00:30:12] [SPEAKER_02]: like we're just going to give you something just in case

[00:30:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like okay just in case yeah

[00:30:15] [SPEAKER_00]: and so we might hit you all of a sudden

[00:30:17] [SPEAKER_02]: we did that and then we went to a bar

[00:30:19] [SPEAKER_02]: because I was like uh

[00:30:22] [SPEAKER_02]: and you know and then it was six weeks

[00:30:24] [SPEAKER_02]: later and it and it just bit cut

[00:30:25] [SPEAKER_02]: being more things and more things like okay we do

[00:30:28] [SPEAKER_02]: this and we do and you get into

[00:30:30] [SPEAKER_02]: the race it's like a Spartan race a little

[00:30:31] [SPEAKER_02]: bit right you get in

[00:30:33] [SPEAKER_02]: they tell you the things you got to do and you just

[00:30:35] [SPEAKER_02]: focus on doing the things

[00:30:37] [SPEAKER_02]: and you don't really think about the

[00:30:40] [SPEAKER_02]: you don't really have time

[00:30:42] [SPEAKER_02]: ish I don't think

[00:30:44] [SPEAKER_02]: to think about all the things

[00:30:45] [SPEAKER_02]: you go through

[00:30:47] [SPEAKER_02]: until the end and that's what they never tell you is

[00:30:50] [SPEAKER_02]: you end up dealing with it

[00:30:51] [SPEAKER_02]: you're not dealing with it in the moment you deal

[00:30:54] [SPEAKER_02]: with it it hits you a little bit later

[00:30:56] [SPEAKER_02]: and it hits you when it's all over

[00:30:58] [SPEAKER_02]: it's like you know I was

[00:31:00] [SPEAKER_02]: talk to people who

[00:31:02] [SPEAKER_02]: if they lose somebody

[00:31:03] [SPEAKER_02]: you know if they have a big loss like a

[00:31:05] [SPEAKER_02]: family member really close friend or mom or dad

[00:31:08] [SPEAKER_02]: that they'll

[00:31:09] [SPEAKER_02]: heart it's the shock is awful

[00:31:11] [SPEAKER_02]: the process of doing a memorial service

[00:31:15] [SPEAKER_02]: is

[00:31:15] [SPEAKER_02]: is awful but the worst part

[00:31:18] [SPEAKER_02]: of loss in

[00:31:20] [SPEAKER_02]: you know when that happens is

[00:31:22] [SPEAKER_02]: right after that's all over

[00:31:23] [SPEAKER_02]: and you go into the first day of your life

[00:31:26] [SPEAKER_02]: and recognize where that hole is

[00:31:29] [SPEAKER_02]: for

[00:31:31] [SPEAKER_02]: cancer it's the same thing kind of

[00:31:33] [SPEAKER_02]: you

[00:31:35] [SPEAKER_02]: you

[00:31:37] [SPEAKER_02]: don't really realize

[00:31:41] [SPEAKER_02]: until later

[00:31:42] [SPEAKER_02]: and I think and it's weird because you just think

[00:31:44] [SPEAKER_02]: oh it's over and I should be over it

[00:31:46] [SPEAKER_02]: but

[00:31:48] [SPEAKER_02]: I think instinctually

[00:31:50] [SPEAKER_02]: your

[00:31:52] [SPEAKER_02]: psyche kind of protects

[00:31:53] [SPEAKER_02]: you from it

[00:31:55] [SPEAKER_02]: until it can start to see

[00:31:57] [SPEAKER_02]: seep in and I think for me

[00:31:59] [SPEAKER_02]: in particular there was

[00:32:00] [SPEAKER_02]: I posted this video or a picture

[00:32:04] [SPEAKER_02]: when

[00:32:05] [SPEAKER_02]: all of my surgeries were done after we found the kidney

[00:32:07] [SPEAKER_02]: cancer and it was just

[00:32:09] [SPEAKER_02]: like and it was like maybe a year later

[00:32:13] [SPEAKER_02]: that

[00:32:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I could say like I was actually cancer

[00:32:15] [SPEAKER_02]: free at least for the moment

[00:32:18] [SPEAKER_02]: that

[00:32:18] [SPEAKER_02]: I had a picture

[00:32:19] [SPEAKER_02]: just listed all the surgeries

[00:32:22] [SPEAKER_02]: and it was a picture I had taken

[00:32:25] [SPEAKER_02]: of my naked body which I covered

[00:32:27] [SPEAKER_02]: but

[00:32:28] [SPEAKER_02]: and I saw it and I read it and I started crying

[00:32:31] [SPEAKER_02]: but not because

[00:32:32] [SPEAKER_02]: it was me because I was able to step outside and look

[00:32:35] [SPEAKER_02]: and just have such compassion

[00:32:36] [SPEAKER_02]: for

[00:32:39] [SPEAKER_02]: this human who was

[00:32:40] [SPEAKER_02]: me like you kind of start both side yourself a little bit

[00:32:43] [SPEAKER_02]: really

[00:32:43] [SPEAKER_01]: kind of start both side yourself a little bit

[00:32:45] [SPEAKER_01]: you took a step back and just saw

[00:32:47] [SPEAKER_01]: what you just went through because like you said

[00:32:49] [SPEAKER_01]: in the moment that you're not

[00:32:51] [SPEAKER_01]: realizing all that you're going through

[00:32:53] [SPEAKER_01]: at that time until finally

[00:32:55] [SPEAKER_01]: it's over and you're like oh my gosh I just

[00:32:57] [SPEAKER_02]: did a lot

[00:32:59] [SPEAKER_02]: for the revolutions

[00:33:01] [SPEAKER_02]: or you know and also

[00:33:03] [SPEAKER_02]: I you know

[00:33:04] [SPEAKER_02]: we say it's like separate of my

[00:33:06] [SPEAKER_02]: we say this personal journey like this health journey

[00:33:09] [SPEAKER_02]: is separate of my

[00:33:12] [SPEAKER_02]: acting career but

[00:33:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I

[00:33:16] [SPEAKER_02]: got diagnosed

[00:33:18] [SPEAKER_02]: and a week later

[00:33:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I booked Call of the Wild

[00:33:21] [SPEAKER_02]: I waited until the end of Call of the Wild

[00:33:22] [SPEAKER_02]: like I went to work on Call of the Wild

[00:33:25] [SPEAKER_02]: they managed to I was like oh god

[00:33:27] [SPEAKER_02]: what am I shooting because I had surgery

[00:33:29] [SPEAKER_02]: and I had eight weeks

[00:33:30] [SPEAKER_02]: and it turned out to be the eighth week

[00:33:32] [SPEAKER_02]: like it just there was this synchronicity

[00:33:34] [SPEAKER_02]: that kind of crept in

[00:33:36] [SPEAKER_02]: in a way that also balanced

[00:33:39] [SPEAKER_02]: this

[00:33:40] [SPEAKER_02]: stuff in a really weird way because suddenly

[00:33:42] [SPEAKER_02]: and I think a little bit it's because

[00:33:44] [SPEAKER_02]: suddenly my career was like flying because I just

[00:33:47] [SPEAKER_02]: not that I didn't care but it wasn't so

[00:33:48] [SPEAKER_02]: precious and

[00:33:50] [SPEAKER_02]: well if I get a job

[00:33:52] [SPEAKER_02]: great but I have to worry about

[00:33:54] [SPEAKER_02]: like this is what I need this is the main focus

[00:33:56] [SPEAKER_02]: and I'm going to put in it they want me

[00:33:58] [SPEAKER_02]: they want me and if they don't they don't

[00:34:00] [SPEAKER_02]: and you know I did

[00:34:02] [SPEAKER_02]: the Call of the Wild

[00:34:03] [SPEAKER_02]: my hair started falling out where I did

[00:34:05] [SPEAKER_02]: came right after Call of the Wild because my

[00:34:07] [SPEAKER_02]: college said we'll do it we could do it in

[00:34:09] [SPEAKER_02]: the middle I'm like I am not starting

[00:34:11] [SPEAKER_02]: chemo in the middle of the biggest

[00:34:13] [SPEAKER_02]: film I bet like I'm just not doing

[00:34:15] [SPEAKER_02]: right I don't know how I'm going to react

[00:34:17] [SPEAKER_02]: so he let me exactly

[00:34:19] [SPEAKER_02]: so I wrapped on a Friday started on a

[00:34:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Monday two weeks later my hair

[00:34:23] [SPEAKER_02]: started falling out so I was like well

[00:34:25] [SPEAKER_02]: screw it I'll shave my head

[00:34:27] [SPEAKER_02]: my mother had I watched my mom lose

[00:34:29] [SPEAKER_02]: her hair it was she

[00:34:31] [SPEAKER_02]: laughed it off and were wigs and did all

[00:34:33] [SPEAKER_02]: this crazy stuff and I was like all right fine

[00:34:35] [SPEAKER_02]: turned out I really like myself bald

[00:34:36] [SPEAKER_02]: got some headshots I was like let's get

[00:34:38] [SPEAKER_02]: headshots and book doom patrol

[00:34:41] [SPEAKER_02]: and then like so then it was like

[00:34:42] [SPEAKER_02]: me bald the industry love like it was

[00:34:45] [SPEAKER_02]: this weird it was

[00:34:47] [SPEAKER_02]: this like the universe being like you've

[00:34:48] [SPEAKER_02]: had some really hard we're going to give

[00:34:50] [SPEAKER_02]: you a little bit of a reward here

[00:34:54] [SPEAKER_01]: exactly here you

[00:34:55] [SPEAKER_01]: go my aunt

[00:34:57] [SPEAKER_01]: she like cancer has

[00:34:59] [SPEAKER_01]: affected everybody right we don't know

[00:35:00] [SPEAKER_01]: that one person who has a minute by

[00:35:02] [SPEAKER_01]: cancer weird thing

[00:35:04] [SPEAKER_01]: though as I was thinking in my family

[00:35:06] [SPEAKER_01]: the women in my family have survived

[00:35:08] [SPEAKER_01]: cancer in the minute my family did not

[00:35:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I was like that's

[00:35:13] [SPEAKER_01]: it's I know it's a little weird but

[00:35:14] [SPEAKER_01]: my my aunt currently

[00:35:16] [SPEAKER_01]: she had breast cancer years ago and she

[00:35:18] [SPEAKER_01]: but it was like stage one so she was

[00:35:20] [SPEAKER_01]: able to take care of it good yeah out

[00:35:22] [SPEAKER_01]: the door now she's fighting thyroid

[00:35:24] [SPEAKER_01]: cancer so you know

[00:35:26] [SPEAKER_02]: it's not a good link but I swear to god

[00:35:28] [SPEAKER_02]: they're linked like I swear to god right

[00:35:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean they're pretty close like I could see

[00:35:33] [SPEAKER_01]: where or lymphoma

[00:35:35] [SPEAKER_01]: you know

[00:35:36] [SPEAKER_01]: so yeah she's dealing with that and we're

[00:35:39] [SPEAKER_01]: just like okay

[00:35:40] [SPEAKER_01]: let's let's do it let's figure it out

[00:35:42] [SPEAKER_01]: you know until

[00:35:44] [SPEAKER_01]: like you said it's probably like

[00:35:46] [SPEAKER_01]: if so far she's doing well

[00:35:48] [SPEAKER_01]: but you know and if we're able to say like

[00:35:50] [SPEAKER_01]: she's cancer free

[00:35:52] [SPEAKER_01]: we're gonna be outside that box and be like whoa

[00:35:54] [SPEAKER_01]: we just yeah we just witnessed

[00:35:56] [SPEAKER_01]: this we just went through this

[00:35:58] [SPEAKER_01]: I remember you posting

[00:36:00] [SPEAKER_01]: on social media

[00:36:03] [SPEAKER_01]: he was saying to be kind

[00:36:04] [SPEAKER_01]: because you never know who needs it

[00:36:06] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah right and I

[00:36:08] [SPEAKER_01]: had I had messaged you and I was like boy do I got

[00:36:10] [SPEAKER_01]: a story for you and

[00:36:12] [SPEAKER_01]: this actually fits really well

[00:36:14] [SPEAKER_01]: with what you were just talking about about being

[00:36:16] [SPEAKER_01]: outside that box and you know looking in now

[00:36:19] [SPEAKER_01]: as I mentioned earlier

[00:36:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a huge mental health activist

[00:36:22] [SPEAKER_01]: like I just it's

[00:36:25] [SPEAKER_01]: we need a lot of help

[00:36:26] [SPEAKER_01]: in this world when it comes to that

[00:36:29] [SPEAKER_01]: absolutely and

[00:36:31] [SPEAKER_01]: since I was a kid

[00:36:32] [SPEAKER_01]: I suffered from anxiety and suicidal depression

[00:36:34] [SPEAKER_01]: that's always been my thing

[00:36:35] [SPEAKER_01]: always did the medications always all the doctors

[00:36:38] [SPEAKER_01]: did everything that I was supposed to do

[00:36:40] [SPEAKER_01]: right well

[00:36:42] [SPEAKER_01]: this as I got into

[00:36:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Trek this being

[00:36:46] [SPEAKER_01]: a different kind of fandom that I'm used to

[00:36:48] [SPEAKER_01]: right that was like well people actually like each other

[00:36:50] [SPEAKER_01]: here and we're unity

[00:36:52] [SPEAKER_01]: and there's also

[00:36:53] [SPEAKER_01]: learning about

[00:36:55] [SPEAKER_01]: hope for a better future and being

[00:36:57] [SPEAKER_01]: kind and compassionate just like

[00:36:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Beverly crushers with her patients

[00:37:01] [SPEAKER_01]: and help a card is very you know

[00:37:03] [SPEAKER_01]: about helping other worlds

[00:37:05] [SPEAKER_01]: and that's just how the show is

[00:37:07] [SPEAKER_03]: well

[00:37:09] [SPEAKER_01]: I started 2022

[00:37:11] [SPEAKER_01]: on 2023

[00:37:13] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a housekeeping manager

[00:37:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I had to do a wellness check on a guest

[00:37:17] [SPEAKER_01]: and my story was

[00:37:19] [SPEAKER_01]: is that I walked in

[00:37:21] [SPEAKER_01]: on her suicide attempt

[00:37:23] [SPEAKER_01]: so I had to

[00:37:25] [SPEAKER_01]: jump in

[00:37:26] [SPEAKER_01]: and start first aid

[00:37:28] [SPEAKER_01]: make sure she was awake you know

[00:37:30] [SPEAKER_01]: and this girl was just

[00:37:33] [SPEAKER_01]: so desperate

[00:37:35] [SPEAKER_01]: to end her life that she was fighting

[00:37:37] [SPEAKER_01]: me on it and I don't know

[00:37:39] [SPEAKER_01]: who this girl was I never met her in the day of my life

[00:37:42] [SPEAKER_01]: but I was like no no no

[00:37:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna save you I'm not leaving

[00:37:45] [SPEAKER_01]: she was so desperate to the point

[00:37:47] [SPEAKER_01]: that she actually I didn't even realize this

[00:37:49] [SPEAKER_01]: but she still had the knife with her

[00:37:51] [SPEAKER_01]: in the tub and

[00:37:53] [SPEAKER_01]: I was the only one with her I had my

[00:37:55] [SPEAKER_01]: other two lois outside the

[00:37:57] [SPEAKER_01]: room as they were calling 911

[00:37:59] [SPEAKER_01]: she slid her throat like right in front of me

[00:38:01] [SPEAKER_01]: and I remember grabbing

[00:38:03] [SPEAKER_01]: the knife and I threw it and that's when

[00:38:05] [SPEAKER_01]: the adrenaline kicked in because like this

[00:38:07] [SPEAKER_01]: is happening like right like this is

[00:38:09] [SPEAKER_01]: what is going on

[00:38:10] [SPEAKER_01]: and I'm starting to stop the bleeding and I pull her out

[00:38:13] [SPEAKER_01]: of the tub and everything like that and she

[00:38:15] [SPEAKER_01]: she was so I was fighting this girl

[00:38:17] [SPEAKER_01]: for her own life because she

[00:38:19] [SPEAKER_01]: even grabbed a champagne bottle and tried to

[00:38:21] [SPEAKER_01]: choke on it like she just wanted

[00:38:23] [SPEAKER_01]: to die and I was

[00:38:25] [SPEAKER_01]: fighting her so hard and all of a

[00:38:27] [SPEAKER_01]: sudden she looks at me and she's crying

[00:38:29] [SPEAKER_01]: and she's like why are you doing this

[00:38:30] [SPEAKER_01]: why are you doing this

[00:38:32] [SPEAKER_01]: she's like just let me die

[00:38:34] [SPEAKER_01]: and it was just instinctual because

[00:38:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I was like because I want to show you what kindness

[00:38:39] [SPEAKER_01]: actually looks like

[00:38:41] [SPEAKER_01]: that's literally what I told and then I

[00:38:43] [SPEAKER_01]: start crying and she's crying

[00:38:45] [SPEAKER_01]: this whole thing and I'm a whole like

[00:38:46] [SPEAKER_01]: blood all over me like I'm trying to

[00:38:49] [SPEAKER_01]: and I saved her life we got

[00:38:51] [SPEAKER_01]: to the hospital in time

[00:38:53] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know where she's at I don't know

[00:38:54] [SPEAKER_01]: you know if she's still doing okay but

[00:38:57] [SPEAKER_01]: that was a moment like

[00:38:59] [SPEAKER_01]: that she was in my life

[00:39:01] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like yeah

[00:39:02] [SPEAKER_03]: I was like she's in my girl

[00:39:04] [SPEAKER_01]: it was one of those

[00:39:07] [SPEAKER_01]: things where and I god

[00:39:09] [SPEAKER_01]: bless my work because

[00:39:10] [SPEAKER_01]: they gave me the time off that I needed

[00:39:12] [SPEAKER_01]: I was off work for two months

[00:39:14] [SPEAKER_01]: and I was in

[00:39:16] [SPEAKER_01]: very like serious

[00:39:18] [SPEAKER_01]: therapy for 15 months

[00:39:20] [SPEAKER_01]: and it was one of those things

[00:39:22] [SPEAKER_01]: where you know therapy is tricky

[00:39:24] [SPEAKER_01]: right you go in to do the PTSD

[00:39:25] [SPEAKER_01]: and the trauma and all that and somehow all of a sudden

[00:39:28] [SPEAKER_01]: well this happened in my childhood

[00:39:29] [SPEAKER_01]: so you're going back but then

[00:39:32] [SPEAKER_01]: it was talking about my suicide attempt

[00:39:34] [SPEAKER_01]: when I was 13 and I

[00:39:36] [SPEAKER_01]: tried the same way she did and I was like

[00:39:38] [SPEAKER_01]: whoa full circle

[00:39:39] [SPEAKER_01]: right because

[00:39:41] [SPEAKER_01]: it was just like

[00:39:44] [SPEAKER_01]: I survived my attempt at 13

[00:39:46] [SPEAKER_01]: and here I am at

[00:39:48] [SPEAKER_01]: 38 I was 37 at the time

[00:39:50] [SPEAKER_01]: saving another young girl's life

[00:39:52] [SPEAKER_01]: who tried to attempt the same way

[00:39:54] [SPEAKER_01]: you know and it's like we all have a story

[00:39:57] [SPEAKER_01]: we all don't know who anyone's going through

[00:39:59] [SPEAKER_01]: so we have to just always be kind

[00:40:01] [SPEAKER_01]: that was my instinct

[00:40:03] [SPEAKER_01]: I was kind to a stranger

[00:40:05] [SPEAKER_01]: and I saved her life

[00:40:07] [SPEAKER_01]: and it

[00:40:08] [SPEAKER_01]: changed me in a way where I'm just like

[00:40:11] [SPEAKER_01]: okay Star Trek here we go

[00:40:13] [SPEAKER_01]: so I'm doing the podcast and I'm just like

[00:40:15] [SPEAKER_01]: this is what it's about

[00:40:16] [SPEAKER_01]: we're supposed to be there for each other

[00:40:19] [SPEAKER_01]: right and it's just one of those

[00:40:21] [SPEAKER_01]: things like you're doing

[00:40:22] [SPEAKER_01]: the same thing because you got hit

[00:40:25] [SPEAKER_01]: on all corners

[00:40:27] [SPEAKER_01]: and you kind of paved your way

[00:40:28] [SPEAKER_01]: especially with your Trek journey

[00:40:30] [SPEAKER_01]: being on Picard

[00:40:32] [SPEAKER_01]: to you know be a voice

[00:40:34] [SPEAKER_01]: for those

[00:40:36] [SPEAKER_01]: right to just be like

[00:40:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I have a friend her name is Paula

[00:40:39] [SPEAKER_01]: she is a huge fan of yours

[00:40:41] [SPEAKER_01]: and she just wanted to say thank you

[00:40:44] [SPEAKER_01]: and she appreciates

[00:40:45] [SPEAKER_01]: you for motivating women

[00:40:47] [SPEAKER_01]: to screen and be proactive

[00:40:50] [SPEAKER_01]: right because

[00:40:51] [SPEAKER_01]: you know just you going through all that

[00:40:54] [SPEAKER_01]: you're like hey this could happen

[00:40:56] [SPEAKER_01]: to anyone just do it

[00:40:58] [SPEAKER_01]: don't be afraid

[00:40:59] [SPEAKER_01]: right and I think

[00:41:02] [SPEAKER_01]: that was also kind of my story

[00:41:04] [SPEAKER_01]: where I was telling people just be kind

[00:41:06] [SPEAKER_01]: because you just don't know

[00:41:08] [SPEAKER_01]: what's going to happen

[00:41:10] [SPEAKER_01]: they're smiling

[00:41:12] [SPEAKER_01]: means nothing right

[00:41:13] [SPEAKER_01]: you don't know what's inside

[00:41:15] [SPEAKER_01]: and like I said I actually even said

[00:41:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I saw evil in the face

[00:41:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I was fighting evil for this girl's soul

[00:41:21] [SPEAKER_01]: that's how it felt

[00:41:24] [SPEAKER_01]: it wasn't until after where it hit me

[00:41:26] [SPEAKER_01]: where I was outside that box

[00:41:27] [SPEAKER_01]: where I was like I just went through that

[00:41:30] [SPEAKER_01]: and I don't know how to process this

[00:41:32] [SPEAKER_01]: right

[00:41:33] [SPEAKER_01]: even my husband and my daughter they were just like

[00:41:36] [SPEAKER_01]: we don't know how to help you

[00:41:38] [SPEAKER_01]: I was like I don't know how to help me either

[00:41:40] [SPEAKER_01]: it's okay

[00:41:42] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah

[00:41:44] [SPEAKER_01]: so it's interesting

[00:41:46] [SPEAKER_01]: how you were saying that I was thinking about

[00:41:48] [SPEAKER_01]: my journey

[00:41:50] [SPEAKER_01]: and a little different

[00:41:51] [SPEAKER_01]: but you know we all have the kind of

[00:41:54] [SPEAKER_01]: the same goal

[00:41:54] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm just like jeez

[00:41:55] [SPEAKER_02]: I was

[00:41:57] [SPEAKER_02]: you know you say that

[00:41:59] [SPEAKER_02]: and I'm like first of all thank you

[00:42:01] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like

[00:42:02] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean

[00:42:05] [SPEAKER_02]: we don't think about what we can

[00:42:07] [SPEAKER_02]: walk into and where and how we react

[00:42:09] [SPEAKER_02]: in situations like that right

[00:42:11] [SPEAKER_02]: the adrenaline kicks in and is it

[00:42:13] [SPEAKER_02]: fight or flight

[00:42:14] [SPEAKER_02]: they would say fight or flight

[00:42:17] [SPEAKER_02]: and with women they always say

[00:42:19] [SPEAKER_02]: like tend and care

[00:42:20] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean

[00:42:22] [SPEAKER_02]: or some there's another

[00:42:24] [SPEAKER_02]: thing that's beyond

[00:42:25] [SPEAKER_02]: flight or flight or whatever

[00:42:28] [SPEAKER_02]: but also

[00:42:29] [SPEAKER_02]: thank you

[00:42:30] [SPEAKER_02]: if she didn't say thank you

[00:42:34] [SPEAKER_02]: because she's in her thing

[00:42:36] [SPEAKER_02]: but thank you

[00:42:37] [SPEAKER_02]: for making yourself vulnerable enough to do that

[00:42:40] [SPEAKER_02]: and to share that

[00:42:42] [SPEAKER_02]: and also I just

[00:42:44] [SPEAKER_02]: the other thing that when you were saying

[00:42:46] [SPEAKER_02]: you're like oh when I was 13 I'm like

[00:42:47] [SPEAKER_02]: what a bizarre

[00:42:49] [SPEAKER_02]: kind of full

[00:42:51] [SPEAKER_02]: circle we

[00:42:51] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean almost

[00:42:54] [SPEAKER_02]: as if you were

[00:42:56] [SPEAKER_02]: it was put in your path to

[00:42:58] [SPEAKER_02]: save yourself because

[00:42:59] [SPEAKER_02]: you know but not

[00:43:03] [SPEAKER_02]: you know

[00:43:04] [SPEAKER_02]: theoretically

[00:43:05] [SPEAKER_02]: I get it

[00:43:07] [SPEAKER_01]: I was able to

[00:43:09] [SPEAKER_01]: save myself in that situation because

[00:43:12] [SPEAKER_01]: I always told people they're like well how did you

[00:43:14] [SPEAKER_01]: survive your attempt and I was like I don't know

[00:43:17] [SPEAKER_01]: because no one knew I attempted

[00:43:20] [SPEAKER_01]: it was

[00:43:20] [SPEAKER_01]: so weird because I remember

[00:43:22] [SPEAKER_01]: I was going

[00:43:24] [SPEAKER_01]: I was beginning to slip my wrist but then somehow

[00:43:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I was like in my room

[00:43:28] [SPEAKER_01]: right marks on my hand but I was like

[00:43:30] [SPEAKER_01]: okay right

[00:43:32] [SPEAKER_01]: but I don't know how I got from A to B

[00:43:34] [SPEAKER_01]: and so

[00:43:35] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean I have a huge faith with God and things like that

[00:43:38] [SPEAKER_01]: so I was like to hang on to that

[00:43:40] [SPEAKER_01]: like I was like God did something like he transported

[00:43:42] [SPEAKER_01]: over there

[00:43:43] [SPEAKER_02]: and I was like we'll shut that party

[00:43:45] [SPEAKER_02]: or bring down we're going to take it

[00:43:46] [SPEAKER_02]: we're jumping in you're a better angel

[00:43:48] [SPEAKER_02]: when your guardian angels are jumping in

[00:43:51] [SPEAKER_01]: and being like I'm taking over

[00:43:53] [SPEAKER_01]: for a little while

[00:43:54] [SPEAKER_01]: just for a second

[00:43:56] [SPEAKER_02]: yeah

[00:43:58] [SPEAKER_01]: but the fact that you know because like suicidal

[00:44:00] [SPEAKER_01]: oppression doesn't ever go away you just have to deal

[00:44:02] [SPEAKER_01]: with it right you just have to figure it out

[00:44:04] [SPEAKER_01]: how to live with it however that is

[00:44:06] [SPEAKER_01]: whether it's medication therapy however

[00:44:08] [SPEAKER_01]: you need to do

[00:44:09] [SPEAKER_01]: my husband has bipolar disorder so you know

[00:44:11] [SPEAKER_01]: we figure that out

[00:44:13] [SPEAKER_01]: and how his treatment is

[00:44:14] [SPEAKER_01]: but to walk in

[00:44:16] [SPEAKER_01]: and see that and just be like I'm on the other end

[00:44:19] [SPEAKER_01]: of it

[00:44:20] [SPEAKER_01]: you know

[00:44:22] [SPEAKER_01]: was very eye-opening

[00:44:25] [SPEAKER_01]: for me and it

[00:44:26] [SPEAKER_01]: just kind of changed my perspective

[00:44:29] [SPEAKER_01]: on a lot of things

[00:44:31] [SPEAKER_01]: and just also about

[00:44:33] [SPEAKER_01]: how everyone is going through something

[00:44:35] [SPEAKER_01]: like every single person

[00:44:37] [SPEAKER_01]: so

[00:44:38] [SPEAKER_01]: but you know I was always one to

[00:44:40] [SPEAKER_01]: jump in and help people car accidents

[00:44:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm out there pulling them out of the car

[00:44:44] [SPEAKER_01]: like I've done that before

[00:44:46] [SPEAKER_01]: but to get a call from the CEO

[00:44:47] [SPEAKER_01]: and he's like I don't think I could have ever

[00:44:50] [SPEAKER_01]: have done that he's like you're the right person

[00:44:52] [SPEAKER_01]: at the right time

[00:44:54] [SPEAKER_01]: you know

[00:44:55] [SPEAKER_01]: and I was all like I didn't want to be the right person

[00:44:58] [SPEAKER_01]: I was going through so much

[00:45:00] [SPEAKER_01]: at that time I didn't want to be called a hero

[00:45:03] [SPEAKER_01]: but it is true

[00:45:04] [SPEAKER_01]: now that I've gone

[00:45:06] [SPEAKER_01]: far outside the box and really took everything

[00:45:08] [SPEAKER_01]: and I was like okay yes

[00:45:09] [SPEAKER_01]: it was

[00:45:12] [SPEAKER_01]: aligned it was meant to be

[00:45:14] [SPEAKER_02]: you ran into a lot of us

[00:45:16] [SPEAKER_02]: running out of a burning building you ran straight fuck it

[00:45:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I ran into it

[00:45:20] [SPEAKER_02]: I did

[00:45:21] [SPEAKER_01]: so it was just interesting

[00:45:23] [SPEAKER_01]: I saw that I was like oh I have a story to tell you

[00:45:27] [SPEAKER_01]: but

[00:45:28] [SPEAKER_01]: to go back to your story

[00:45:30] [SPEAKER_01]: and talk about

[00:45:31] [SPEAKER_01]: you know your journey October

[00:45:33] [SPEAKER_01]: is of course breast cancer awareness month

[00:45:35] [SPEAKER_01]: you have

[00:45:37] [SPEAKER_01]: something called behind the pink

[00:45:40] [SPEAKER_01]: ribbon and I really would love

[00:45:42] [SPEAKER_01]: for you to tell the listeners all about that

[00:45:44] [SPEAKER_02]: so

[00:45:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know when it started

[00:45:48] [SPEAKER_02]: I think it was a year after

[00:45:49] [SPEAKER_02]: my first

[00:45:51] [SPEAKER_02]: after like the year after

[00:45:53] [SPEAKER_02]: I had gone through breast cancer

[00:45:55] [SPEAKER_02]: I think it was 2020

[00:45:57] [SPEAKER_02]: maybe I did it

[00:45:58] [SPEAKER_02]: and also I think I did it in 2020 just because

[00:46:01] [SPEAKER_02]: also we were still kind of home a lot

[00:46:04] [SPEAKER_02]: and

[00:46:04] [SPEAKER_02]: breast cancer awareness month came up

[00:46:07] [SPEAKER_02]: and one of the things

[00:46:09] [SPEAKER_02]: as an actor

[00:46:10] [SPEAKER_02]: I was like

[00:46:12] [SPEAKER_02]: I joke but when I got cancer

[00:46:15] [SPEAKER_02]: I called my agents

[00:46:16] [SPEAKER_02]: and one of the things I said was like

[00:46:18] [SPEAKER_02]: I have cancer now so I can go on those commercials

[00:46:20] [SPEAKER_02]: as a true cancer person

[00:46:23] [SPEAKER_02]: trying to make a light of it

[00:46:24] [SPEAKER_02]: and it was like I got one and I was like oh I have another

[00:46:26] [SPEAKER_02]: and I remember feeling that

[00:46:29] [SPEAKER_02]: like I've gone out for a number of cancer commercials

[00:46:31] [SPEAKER_02]: but I've never

[00:46:32] [SPEAKER_02]: I booked one that didn't actually air

[00:46:34] [SPEAKER_02]: but like when I actually had cancer with bald

[00:46:36] [SPEAKER_02]: like I was too cancery or not cancery enough

[00:46:39] [SPEAKER_02]: and it made me kind of mad

[00:46:42] [SPEAKER_02]: because there was a point

[00:46:43] [SPEAKER_02]: in you know the breast cancer

[00:46:44] [SPEAKER_02]: because I was like breast cancer awareness there's got to be a great commercial I can get on

[00:46:48] [SPEAKER_02]: there was something about

[00:46:51] [SPEAKER_02]: the pink washing

[00:46:52] [SPEAKER_02]: of it all and this

[00:46:53] [SPEAKER_02]: you know the

[00:46:56] [SPEAKER_02]: it's breast cancer awareness

[00:46:57] [SPEAKER_02]: month and we're aware and we have these pink ribbons

[00:46:59] [SPEAKER_02]: and if you go deeper into a lot of these organizations

[00:47:02] [SPEAKER_02]: you know

[00:47:04] [SPEAKER_02]: apparently Susan G. Coman is apparently

[00:47:05] [SPEAKER_02]: one is it common it might be one of them

[00:47:07] [SPEAKER_02]: it's that thing of like oh if you see a ribbon

[00:47:09] [SPEAKER_02]: we're going to give money we're going to give a portion

[00:47:12] [SPEAKER_02]: of breast cancer and like 10%

[00:47:13] [SPEAKER_02]: goes to breast cancer or like

[00:47:15] [SPEAKER_02]: just stuff like that this utilizing

[00:47:18] [SPEAKER_02]: this trauma that

[00:47:19] [SPEAKER_02]: so many people go through one in eight women

[00:47:21] [SPEAKER_02]: or you know

[00:47:23] [SPEAKER_02]: I always like to you know because I don't want to be

[00:47:25] [SPEAKER_02]: I never want to be inclusive

[00:47:27] [SPEAKER_02]: or disgluting people so I'm always like

[00:47:29] [SPEAKER_02]: one in every you know eight mammary

[00:47:31] [SPEAKER_02]: having people into however they identify in the United States

[00:47:33] [SPEAKER_02]: if you want to go that way

[00:47:35] [SPEAKER_02]: but because men also get breast cancer

[00:47:37] [SPEAKER_02]: and you know none of my primary peeps

[00:47:39] [SPEAKER_02]: don't consider themselves women but if they have

[00:47:41] [SPEAKER_02]: mammary glands both

[00:47:42] [SPEAKER_02]: but

[00:47:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I decided that I was going to do

[00:47:49] [SPEAKER_02]: 31 straight days

[00:47:50] [SPEAKER_02]: of giving people advice of things

[00:47:52] [SPEAKER_02]: that I knew that I wish I knew

[00:47:54] [SPEAKER_02]: because we had also done during

[00:47:56] [SPEAKER_02]: in 2020 my husband and I did a podcast called

[00:47:57] [SPEAKER_02]: chemo skinny we had written a blog during going through it

[00:48:00] [SPEAKER_02]: and then because we had time off

[00:48:02] [SPEAKER_02]: and then really got a chance

[00:48:04] [SPEAKER_02]: to sit in it we did a

[00:48:06] [SPEAKER_02]: I think it's 12 episode

[00:48:07] [SPEAKER_02]: podcast literally just

[00:48:10] [SPEAKER_02]: looking at our blog and going through it again

[00:48:12] [SPEAKER_02]: and looking at it with

[00:48:14] [SPEAKER_02]: you know a year and a half

[00:48:16] [SPEAKER_02]: distance from it to be like

[00:48:18] [SPEAKER_02]: oh this is how we felt then

[00:48:20] [SPEAKER_02]: this is what we went through this is how we felt

[00:48:22] [SPEAKER_02]: what do we wish we would have

[00:48:23] [SPEAKER_02]: what we would have told ourselves now that we know

[00:48:26] [SPEAKER_02]: after we've gone through it just kind of

[00:48:27] [SPEAKER_02]: just kind of put it out in the in on the world

[00:48:30] [SPEAKER_02]: and so

[00:48:31] [SPEAKER_02]: in October I basically

[00:48:34] [SPEAKER_02]: did 31 straight

[00:48:36] [SPEAKER_02]: days of just advice

[00:48:38] [SPEAKER_02]: about if you have breast cancer

[00:48:40] [SPEAKER_02]: or you're going through breast cancer about different aspects of it

[00:48:42] [SPEAKER_02]: that I wish that we would

[00:48:44] [SPEAKER_02]: tell people or I wish that I would have known

[00:48:46] [SPEAKER_02]: or things that I think are really helpful

[00:48:48] [SPEAKER_02]: and simple that people don't

[00:48:50] [SPEAKER_02]: necessarily think about until they're in it

[00:48:51] [SPEAKER_02]: or don't even know and so I did

[00:48:53] [SPEAKER_02]: that one year and then I

[00:48:55] [SPEAKER_02]: re-ran it again

[00:48:58] [SPEAKER_02]: the second year I think last year

[00:49:01] [SPEAKER_02]: and so this year and I kind of

[00:49:04] [SPEAKER_02]: called it like behind

[00:49:05] [SPEAKER_02]: you know behind a pink ribbon

[00:49:08] [SPEAKER_02]: you know what's behind there's more than

[00:49:10] [SPEAKER_02]: something behind a pink ribbon I think I'm calling it

[00:49:13] [SPEAKER_02]: more than

[00:49:14] [SPEAKER_02]: you know behind a pink ribbon

[00:49:16] [SPEAKER_02]: and so this year what I wanted to do

[00:49:18] [SPEAKER_02]: because

[00:49:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I've been very open about

[00:49:23] [SPEAKER_02]: going through breast cancer

[00:49:24] [SPEAKER_02]: over the course of the last couple years

[00:49:29] [SPEAKER_02]: I've had

[00:49:30] [SPEAKER_02]: a number of people reach out to me

[00:49:32] [SPEAKER_02]: I've met people tell me in

[00:49:33] [SPEAKER_02]: you know in confidence people

[00:49:36] [SPEAKER_02]: who have friends who are going

[00:49:38] [SPEAKER_02]: through it and aren't sure what to do

[00:49:40] [SPEAKER_02]: who I've become friends with because

[00:49:42] [SPEAKER_02]: of just

[00:49:44] [SPEAKER_02]: trying to answer questions or trying to

[00:49:46] [SPEAKER_02]: pay whatever little

[00:49:48] [SPEAKER_02]: knowledge I have forward

[00:49:50] [SPEAKER_02]: and to

[00:49:51] [SPEAKER_02]: I guess try to make people feel

[00:49:54] [SPEAKER_02]: less alone in something that's really terrifying

[00:49:58] [SPEAKER_02]: so this year what I wanted

[00:50:00] [SPEAKER_02]: to do

[00:50:01] [SPEAKER_02]: is it's called behind a pink ribbon and so

[00:50:04] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm gathering I put like a call on social media

[00:50:06] [SPEAKER_02]: because I want 31 days

[00:50:08] [SPEAKER_02]: of not just me 31 days

[00:50:10] [SPEAKER_02]: of different people

[00:50:12] [SPEAKER_02]: you know so it's going to be me

[00:50:14] [SPEAKER_02]: and it's probably a couple of times in the 31 days

[00:50:16] [SPEAKER_02]: but like me people I know

[00:50:18] [SPEAKER_02]: people I don't know just from

[00:50:21] [SPEAKER_02]: because I'm on all these groups

[00:50:22] [SPEAKER_02]: doing a video and I'm going to be

[00:50:24] [SPEAKER_02]: sharing them on my social media

[00:50:26] [SPEAKER_02]: and you know in amplifying them

[00:50:29] [SPEAKER_02]: just every single day

[00:50:30] [SPEAKER_02]: just a piece of advice from someone

[00:50:32] [SPEAKER_02]: who's gone through it for someone who might

[00:50:34] [SPEAKER_02]: have to go through it you know

[00:50:36] [SPEAKER_02]: and I've been getting I've been starting

[00:50:38] [SPEAKER_02]: to get the I'm trying to have them all before

[00:50:40] [SPEAKER_02]: October starts but they're just

[00:50:42] [SPEAKER_02]: they've made a cry they're just some of them are really

[00:50:44] [SPEAKER_02]: beautiful they're just really touching

[00:50:45] [SPEAKER_02]: and you know heartbreaking

[00:50:47] [SPEAKER_01]: well I mean everyone has

[00:50:49] [SPEAKER_01]: goes through it differently like that

[00:50:51] [SPEAKER_01]: everyone's story is different

[00:50:52] [SPEAKER_01]: and of course like

[00:50:55] [SPEAKER_01]: you know you could have gone through it one way

[00:50:58] [SPEAKER_01]: but someone else is going to go through it another way

[00:51:00] [SPEAKER_01]: and someone else's story could be like

[00:51:02] [SPEAKER_01]: oh well that's something similar you know

[00:51:03] [SPEAKER_01]: and it's just

[00:51:04] [SPEAKER_01]: you could always just say like yeah

[00:51:06] [SPEAKER_01]: we all have breast cancer but you know

[00:51:09] [SPEAKER_02]: well everybody yeah

[00:51:10] [SPEAKER_02]: layer yeah I mean one of my

[00:51:12] [SPEAKER_02]: favorite things you know my two to go

[00:51:14] [SPEAKER_02]: to is always take someone

[00:51:16] [SPEAKER_02]: with you to the doctor's office for big appointments

[00:51:18] [SPEAKER_02]: because your brain can't handle all the things or

[00:51:20] [SPEAKER_02]: at very least a tape recorder or

[00:51:22] [SPEAKER_02]: a list of questions especially when it's

[00:51:24] [SPEAKER_02]: big you know appointments

[00:51:27] [SPEAKER_02]: and there is

[00:51:28] [SPEAKER_02]: no right way to handle it there's only your way

[00:51:30] [SPEAKER_02]: there's no right way

[00:51:32] [SPEAKER_02]: love that

[00:51:34] [SPEAKER_02]: it's that's awesome

[00:51:35] [SPEAKER_02]: you know it's because

[00:51:37] [SPEAKER_02]: to put that on someone

[00:51:40] [SPEAKER_02]: and there's a lot of other stuff that comes along

[00:51:42] [SPEAKER_02]: with that you know but

[00:51:44] [SPEAKER_02]: for some reason

[00:51:46] [SPEAKER_02]: I felt really in touch with going through

[00:51:48] [SPEAKER_02]: um

[00:51:50] [SPEAKER_02]: going through breast cancer I felt

[00:51:51] [SPEAKER_02]: very connected

[00:51:54] [SPEAKER_02]: to God

[00:51:55] [SPEAKER_02]: whatever you know I do

[00:51:57] [SPEAKER_02]: I just believe in God

[00:52:00] [SPEAKER_02]: as being love as being a bigger energy but

[00:52:02] [SPEAKER_02]: and connected to

[00:52:04] [SPEAKER_02]: you know a higher power almost

[00:52:06] [SPEAKER_02]: and I think that

[00:52:08] [SPEAKER_02]: when I was going

[00:52:10] [SPEAKER_02]: through it I was just really aware of that

[00:52:12] [SPEAKER_02]: connection

[00:52:14] [SPEAKER_02]: um

[00:52:14] [SPEAKER_02]: but not necessarily the connection to a thing

[00:52:17] [SPEAKER_02]: other than myself

[00:52:19] [SPEAKER_02]: but to my person

[00:52:21] [SPEAKER_02]: in connection to humanity because

[00:52:25] [SPEAKER_02]: I think

[00:52:26] [SPEAKER_02]: life that's what is represented

[00:52:28] [SPEAKER_02]: overall you know so I think

[00:52:30] [SPEAKER_02]: that trying to

[00:52:33] [SPEAKER_02]: keep building

[00:52:34] [SPEAKER_02]: a community keep talking about things

[00:52:36] [SPEAKER_02]: that are hard and that

[00:52:38] [SPEAKER_02]: you know I remember

[00:52:40] [SPEAKER_02]: I went to

[00:52:42] [SPEAKER_02]: my doctor gave me we went to this

[00:52:44] [SPEAKER_02]: class that was like

[00:52:46] [SPEAKER_02]: what to ask a registered nurse everything you need

[00:52:48] [SPEAKER_02]: to know about this you know this uh this

[00:52:50] [SPEAKER_02]: surgery and I brought my husband

[00:52:51] [SPEAKER_02]: because he's a writer and he worked from home when he was the only man there and he felt really weird

[00:52:55] [SPEAKER_02]: and there was a bunch of women there and there was

[00:52:57] [SPEAKER_02]: a woman who had her daughter there

[00:52:59] [SPEAKER_02]: and one woman

[00:53:01] [SPEAKER_02]: a couple years older than me was like yeah

[00:53:04] [SPEAKER_02]: you know nine out of the

[00:53:05] [SPEAKER_02]: twelve people in my friend group

[00:53:07] [SPEAKER_02]: I said breast cancer so it just kind

[00:53:09] [SPEAKER_02]: of feels like it's like a read a passage and I was like

[00:53:12] [SPEAKER_02]: uh what

[00:53:14] [SPEAKER_02]: and you know because

[00:53:15] [SPEAKER_02]: they say like one in eight women in America

[00:53:18] [SPEAKER_02]: and it's been since

[00:53:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I was first diagnosed it's been five years and

[00:53:22] [SPEAKER_02]: yeah I know

[00:53:23] [SPEAKER_02]: I know he was easily a dozen of close friends

[00:53:26] [SPEAKER_02]: who have been diagnosed

[00:53:27] [SPEAKER_02]: and the thing that they never talk

[00:53:29] [SPEAKER_02]: about is I also know

[00:53:31] [SPEAKER_02]: fair amount of people myself included

[00:53:33] [SPEAKER_02]: that one out of eight will be diagnosed

[00:53:36] [SPEAKER_02]: 30% of them will have

[00:53:38] [SPEAKER_02]: metastatic believe there have a recurrence or will be metastatic

[00:53:41] [SPEAKER_02]: breast cancer and we don't talk

[00:53:42] [SPEAKER_02]: like and that's the the ellipse

[00:53:45] [SPEAKER_02]: that needs to have more

[00:53:47] [SPEAKER_02]: attention paid to it

[00:53:49] [SPEAKER_02]: um because you know I'm on medication

[00:53:51] [SPEAKER_02]: that's keeping me cancer my cancer at bay

[00:53:54] [SPEAKER_02]: um

[00:53:54] [SPEAKER_02]: you know but

[00:53:58] [SPEAKER_02]: it is something that

[00:54:00] [SPEAKER_02]: we we always

[00:54:01] [SPEAKER_02]: like to talk

[00:54:02] [SPEAKER_02]: when it comes to cancer again because

[00:54:04] [SPEAKER_02]: we always like to talk in

[00:54:07] [SPEAKER_02]: it's done it's over

[00:54:08] [SPEAKER_02]: it's this and because we want to be done with that

[00:54:11] [SPEAKER_02]: but we also have to be really aware

[00:54:13] [SPEAKER_02]: that not everybody experiences

[00:54:15] [SPEAKER_02]: that the same way you know there's

[00:54:16] [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't go through

[00:54:19] [SPEAKER_02]: like one of the hardest things for me

[00:54:21] [SPEAKER_02]: was having a recurrence

[00:54:23] [SPEAKER_02]: was

[00:54:24] [SPEAKER_02]: and I caught it super early because I was

[00:54:26] [SPEAKER_02]: really on top of

[00:54:28] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm really on top I'm really

[00:54:30] [SPEAKER_02]: not aggressive I'm very assertive and my doctors

[00:54:32] [SPEAKER_02]: are very good

[00:54:34] [SPEAKER_02]: but I'm really aware and

[00:54:36] [SPEAKER_02]: I think

[00:54:37] [SPEAKER_02]: power comes from knowledge in

[00:54:40] [SPEAKER_02]: really understanding

[00:54:42] [SPEAKER_02]: what you went through as a person being like I went through something and I'm not thinking about it is

[00:54:45] [SPEAKER_02]: for me at least

[00:54:46] [SPEAKER_02]: I find my

[00:54:49] [SPEAKER_02]: security I guess in knowing

[00:54:50] [SPEAKER_02]: in knowing everything

[00:54:52] [SPEAKER_02]: about the condition that

[00:54:54] [SPEAKER_02]: I have or whatever

[00:54:56] [SPEAKER_02]: and sometimes that can be a little weird because of something

[00:54:58] [SPEAKER_02]: like is elevated you're like ah

[00:55:00] [SPEAKER_02]: but it also is the

[00:55:02] [SPEAKER_02]: thing that you know

[00:55:03] [SPEAKER_02]: we found at the beginning of like a little cancer cell

[00:55:06] [SPEAKER_02]: because my medication stopped working and we changed medications and

[00:55:09] [SPEAKER_02]: now I'm

[00:55:10] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm you know I'm scanned

[00:55:12] [SPEAKER_02]: a lot more frequently

[00:55:14] [SPEAKER_02]: which is also good because it's scanned and I was like

[00:55:16] [SPEAKER_02]: shouldn't we have been doing this before

[00:55:19] [SPEAKER_02]: there is

[00:55:20] [SPEAKER_02]: something that I did not

[00:55:21] [SPEAKER_02]: I witnessed in my mother because she had

[00:55:23] [SPEAKER_02]: her cancer

[00:55:25] [SPEAKER_02]: represented

[00:55:27] [SPEAKER_02]: that there's a it's almost harder

[00:55:29] [SPEAKER_02]: because you know what you went through

[00:55:32] [SPEAKER_02]: and feel like you failed people

[00:55:34] [SPEAKER_02]: because you people who talk about you like

[00:55:36] [SPEAKER_02]: you're you know you

[00:55:37] [SPEAKER_02]: you kicked cancer's ass

[00:55:39] [SPEAKER_02]: and like meh

[00:55:41] [SPEAKER_02]: I knocked him out but then he came back

[00:55:43] [SPEAKER_02]: and now we're on it

[00:55:43] [SPEAKER_02]: because it's

[00:55:47] [SPEAKER_02]: yeah and it's

[00:55:48] [SPEAKER_02]: and it's I think that we need to have

[00:55:51] [SPEAKER_02]: in the same way with for mental health

[00:55:53] [SPEAKER_02]: we need to have bigger

[00:55:54] [SPEAKER_02]: more open discussions about

[00:55:56] [SPEAKER_02]: this stuff because it's

[00:55:59] [SPEAKER_02]: really common

[00:56:01] [SPEAKER_02]: and the less we talk about it

[00:56:03] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean it's you know it's the same with like miscarriages

[00:56:05] [SPEAKER_02]: that you know I remember talking to my brother

[00:56:07] [SPEAKER_02]: who is a dude or whatever

[00:56:09] [SPEAKER_02]: but like being like oh yeah

[00:56:10] [SPEAKER_02]: I know lots of women who've had miscarriages

[00:56:12] [SPEAKER_02]: before they've gotten pregnant and carried to term

[00:56:15] [SPEAKER_02]: like these things happen

[00:56:16] [SPEAKER_02]: more than anybody talks about

[00:56:18] [SPEAKER_02]: because women have been socialized to not talk about

[00:56:21] [SPEAKER_02]: ever feeling bad

[00:56:23] [SPEAKER_02]: and that shit needs to stop

[00:56:25] [SPEAKER_02]: right

[00:56:26] [SPEAKER_02]: absolutely

[00:56:30] [SPEAKER_02]: and when it comes to all of it

[00:56:32] [SPEAKER_02]: because you know

[00:56:33] [SPEAKER_02]: because it's not just a women in the

[00:56:35] [SPEAKER_02]: whole of Gertz men in mental health

[00:56:37] [SPEAKER_02]: and asking being

[00:56:39] [SPEAKER_02]: available to just

[00:56:41] [SPEAKER_02]: be human man

[00:56:42] [SPEAKER_02]: to just expect you know except that

[00:56:44] [SPEAKER_02]: being human is being fucking messy

[00:56:47] [SPEAKER_02]: wow that was a spun out there

[00:56:49] [SPEAKER_02]: thank you for indulging

[00:56:51] [SPEAKER_02]: sorry about that

[00:56:51] [SPEAKER_01]: oh no this is great I love it I mean

[00:56:53] [SPEAKER_01]: you're being open and wrong that's exactly what

[00:56:55] [SPEAKER_01]: that's the whole that we're crushing the conversation right

[00:56:58] [SPEAKER_01]: that's the whole point

[00:57:02] [SPEAKER_01]: but I'm

[00:57:03] [SPEAKER_01]: going to now typically I don't usually get

[00:57:05] [SPEAKER_01]: political and crush our combo just to respect

[00:57:07] [SPEAKER_01]: everyone's you know thing but

[00:57:09] [SPEAKER_01]: there's something happening in October

[00:57:11] [SPEAKER_01]: 3rd

[00:57:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I understand the assignment

[00:57:15] [SPEAKER_01]: yes

[00:57:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I wanted to

[00:57:19] [SPEAKER_01]: just quickly talk that there's going to be this

[00:57:21] [SPEAKER_01]: wonderful group of women called the

[00:57:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Women of Star Trek for Kamala Harris

[00:57:25] [SPEAKER_01]: it is a live zoom

[00:57:27] [SPEAKER_01]: event with host Stacey Abrams

[00:57:29] [SPEAKER_01]: with guests like Jerry Ryan Michelle

[00:57:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Herd, Kate Mulgrew

[00:57:33] [SPEAKER_01]: not a visitor Terry Farrell

[00:57:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Denise Crosby and of course my

[00:57:36] [SPEAKER_01]: podcast Namsei Gates McFadden

[00:57:38] [SPEAKER_01]: so how exciting is it

[00:57:40] [SPEAKER_01]: that you are part of such an amazing event

[00:57:44] [SPEAKER_02]: I feel super honored

[00:57:46] [SPEAKER_02]: you know the thing about joining

[00:57:49] [SPEAKER_02]: this franchise which

[00:57:51] [SPEAKER_02]: you know I walked

[00:57:52] [SPEAKER_02]: onto the bridge and I'm like oh my god I get to do this and I did not

[00:57:56] [SPEAKER_02]: and the work is amazing

[00:57:57] [SPEAKER_02]: and you get to do the work but

[00:57:59] [SPEAKER_02]: it wasn't until the premiere that I was

[00:58:01] [SPEAKER_02]: like oh wow not only

[00:58:03] [SPEAKER_02]: did I get to do this

[00:58:05] [SPEAKER_02]: and this work in this place with these amazing people

[00:58:07] [SPEAKER_02]: but now I'm

[00:58:09] [SPEAKER_02]: part of this family and

[00:58:11] [SPEAKER_02]: legitimately

[00:58:13] [SPEAKER_02]: every single person

[00:58:15] [SPEAKER_02]: in their own way

[00:58:17] [SPEAKER_02]: on that picture that you have

[00:58:19] [SPEAKER_02]: is an activist

[00:58:21] [SPEAKER_02]: for the betterment of this idea

[00:58:23] [SPEAKER_02]: that Jean Roddenberry put out there

[00:58:25] [SPEAKER_02]: which is infinite diversity and infinite combinations

[00:58:27] [SPEAKER_02]: you know

[00:58:28] [SPEAKER_02]: John Billingsley

[00:58:29] [SPEAKER_02]: you know I've been welcomed

[00:58:32] [SPEAKER_02]: into the fold as it were

[00:58:34] [SPEAKER_02]: with Trek talks

[00:58:36] [SPEAKER_02]: and Trek activism and

[00:58:37] [SPEAKER_02]: you know Kitty Swink

[00:58:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Armin's wife who does

[00:58:42] [SPEAKER_02]: and who with Jonathan

[00:58:43] [SPEAKER_02]: and John and I think Brent do

[00:58:46] [SPEAKER_02]: you know raise money

[00:58:48] [SPEAKER_02]: for pancreatic cancer and

[00:58:49] [SPEAKER_02]: everyone is really

[00:58:52] [SPEAKER_02]: involved and I've been

[00:58:54] [SPEAKER_02]: very

[00:58:56] [SPEAKER_02]: fortunate to be invited in

[00:58:58] [SPEAKER_02]: and also just really

[00:58:59] [SPEAKER_02]: willing to

[00:59:01] [SPEAKER_02]: jump in to

[00:59:02] [SPEAKER_02]: a group of people who are

[00:59:04] [SPEAKER_02]: working to make things

[00:59:07] [SPEAKER_02]: better for everybody

[00:59:08] [SPEAKER_02]: and so when they said

[00:59:10] [SPEAKER_02]: they were doing this and I'm like I'm included that's amazing

[00:59:13] [SPEAKER_02]: sure

[00:59:14] [SPEAKER_02]: you know I'm like

[00:59:16] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm always just like yes what can I do

[00:59:19] [SPEAKER_02]: my question is always

[00:59:20] [SPEAKER_02]: is if I

[00:59:23] [SPEAKER_02]: can how can I help

[00:59:24] [SPEAKER_02]: because

[00:59:26] [SPEAKER_02]: that I believe

[00:59:28] [SPEAKER_02]: that is what we're here to do

[00:59:30] [SPEAKER_02]: is to be of service in whatever way we can

[00:59:32] [SPEAKER_02]: and sometimes that service shows up in a different way

[00:59:34] [SPEAKER_02]: for everybody

[00:59:36] [SPEAKER_01]: make sure you go to that website women

[00:59:38] [SPEAKER_01]: of Star Trek dot com

[00:59:39] [SPEAKER_01]: and register for the event so

[00:59:42] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah I told my friends I was like right

[00:59:44] [SPEAKER_01]: deep like give me a synopsis

[00:59:46] [SPEAKER_01]: it was good

[00:59:48] [SPEAKER_02]: they usually

[00:59:49] [SPEAKER_02]: because there's a website women I'm sure it'll be

[00:59:52] [SPEAKER_02]: like you can replay it or

[00:59:53] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm sure it can be replayed or yeah

[00:59:55] [SPEAKER_01]: maybe clips

[00:59:57] [SPEAKER_02]: those ladies like kitty was like we're doing this

[00:59:59] [SPEAKER_02]: and I was like okay

[01:00:00] [SPEAKER_02]: and the next thing I know like it was like here it is

[01:00:03] [SPEAKER_02]: what is and I was like yeah

[01:00:05] [SPEAKER_02]: that's what we're talking about yeah

[01:00:08] [SPEAKER_01]: so I'm going to go

[01:00:09] [SPEAKER_01]: ahead and go into the penny

[01:00:11] [SPEAKER_01]: for your thoughts portion of the show

[01:00:22] [SPEAKER_01]: for your thoughts

[01:00:24] [SPEAKER_01]: I have a couple of questions

[01:00:25] [SPEAKER_01]: from two big fan of yours

[01:00:27] [SPEAKER_01]: the first one is going to be from

[01:00:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Abby from first flight podcast

[01:00:30] [SPEAKER_01]: she says how was it working

[01:00:33] [SPEAKER_01]: with Amanda plumber

[01:00:34] [SPEAKER_01]: and how did you keep the intensity of the

[01:00:37] [SPEAKER_01]: scene like the one on the bridge

[01:00:39] [SPEAKER_01]: after multiple takes

[01:00:41] [SPEAKER_01]: hi Abby

[01:00:43] [SPEAKER_02]: um Amanda

[01:00:45] [SPEAKER_02]: was fantastic

[01:00:48] [SPEAKER_02]: um I think

[01:00:49] [SPEAKER_02]: as an actor the one thing

[01:00:51] [SPEAKER_02]: you love to see

[01:00:53] [SPEAKER_02]: is how other actors

[01:00:55] [SPEAKER_02]: you admire work and

[01:00:57] [SPEAKER_02]: one of the things I took away from watching her

[01:00:59] [SPEAKER_02]: work is how

[01:01:02] [SPEAKER_02]: she was so willing to just

[01:01:03] [SPEAKER_02]: keep it loose and keep playing

[01:01:05] [SPEAKER_02]: so

[01:01:06] [SPEAKER_02]: the intensity was easy to

[01:01:09] [SPEAKER_02]: come by I think

[01:01:11] [SPEAKER_02]: because there was a sense

[01:01:13] [SPEAKER_02]: in her as she was playing that you didn't

[01:01:15] [SPEAKER_02]: know what was going to happen

[01:01:17] [SPEAKER_02]: um and so you

[01:01:18] [SPEAKER_02]: you let it react off

[01:01:20] [SPEAKER_02]: of

[01:01:22] [SPEAKER_02]: the individual playing the role

[01:01:24] [SPEAKER_02]: and she was phenomenal

[01:01:26] [SPEAKER_03]: um

[01:01:28] [SPEAKER_02]: yeah I think that

[01:01:30] [SPEAKER_02]: it was also my last day at work

[01:01:31] [SPEAKER_02]: like that was my last day at work

[01:01:34] [SPEAKER_02]: so

[01:01:36] [SPEAKER_02]: as an actor you're like oh god it's the last

[01:01:38] [SPEAKER_02]: like you get there and you're like it's the last day

[01:01:40] [SPEAKER_02]: and so I think you're almost even

[01:01:42] [SPEAKER_02]: more invested because it's the last

[01:01:44] [SPEAKER_02]: time you're going to be

[01:01:46] [SPEAKER_02]: soaking it all in you know

[01:01:48] [SPEAKER_02]: it's easy to stay

[01:01:49] [SPEAKER_02]: it's easy to stay present because you don't want to think about

[01:01:52] [SPEAKER_02]: the fact that you're going to leave

[01:01:54] [SPEAKER_01]: right that did you know

[01:01:55] [SPEAKER_01]: the ending for Tavine

[01:01:58] [SPEAKER_01]: when you got the role? I did not

[01:01:59] [SPEAKER_02]: I did not okay so I did not

[01:02:02] [SPEAKER_01]: know

[01:02:02] [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't even know she was just going to last that long

[01:02:06] [SPEAKER_02]: like initially it was like oh

[01:02:08] [SPEAKER_02]: yeah four episodes and I'm like okay

[01:02:09] [SPEAKER_02]: so there became a conversation because my head was already

[01:02:12] [SPEAKER_02]: shaved like there became a conversation about my eyebrows

[01:02:14] [SPEAKER_02]: like do we shave the eyebrows

[01:02:16] [SPEAKER_02]: do we not and I was like

[01:02:18] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm only going to be in this for four episodes

[01:02:20] [SPEAKER_02]: and

[01:02:21] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean I don't mind being bald but when I

[01:02:24] [SPEAKER_02]: had cancer like the one thing I was like

[01:02:26] [SPEAKER_02]: just keep the eyebrows

[01:02:28] [SPEAKER_02]: so I don't know if I would have rethought that

[01:02:30] [SPEAKER_02]: because the eyebrows added like

[01:02:32] [SPEAKER_02]: time to that whole prosthetics process

[01:02:34] [SPEAKER_02]: um yeah I did

[01:02:36] [SPEAKER_02]: I did not know I did not know I hoped

[01:02:38] [SPEAKER_02]: I always say you know I read

[01:02:40] [SPEAKER_02]: the first the title of the first script which was

[01:02:42] [SPEAKER_02]: you know the next

[01:02:44] [SPEAKER_02]: the next generation

[01:02:45] [SPEAKER_02]: and I was like oh shit

[01:02:47] [SPEAKER_02]: like my spidey sense

[01:02:49] [SPEAKER_02]: was like oh my god they're doing a spin

[01:02:51] [SPEAKER_02]: off they're doing a spin off and I was

[01:02:53] [SPEAKER_02]: like you're gonna spin this off just stay alive

[01:02:55] [SPEAKER_02]: till the end

[01:02:57] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah I mean that was intense we were all

[01:02:59] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean I was upset because I was like

[01:03:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Tavine helped Beverly you know

[01:03:03] [SPEAKER_01]: save themselves out of that

[01:03:05] [SPEAKER_01]: uh the gravity well right

[01:03:07] [SPEAKER_01]: and then when I was like

[01:03:09] [SPEAKER_01]: not her not Tavine

[01:03:11] [SPEAKER_01]: you're always so upset

[01:03:12] [SPEAKER_01]: I remember I was waking up at one in the morning

[01:03:15] [SPEAKER_01]: to watch the episodes because I would watch it

[01:03:17] [SPEAKER_01]: twice then go get ready for work and then come back

[01:03:19] [SPEAKER_01]: and do a live show so it was a long 10 weeks

[01:03:21] [SPEAKER_01]: and my trauma

[01:03:23] [SPEAKER_01]: happened through Star Trek Picard

[01:03:25] [SPEAKER_01]: so it was a

[01:03:27] [SPEAKER_01]: whole thing for me but you remember

[01:03:29] [SPEAKER_01]: when Tavine died I was like

[01:03:31] [SPEAKER_01]: this is just getting worse

[01:03:34] [SPEAKER_02]: I had a lot

[01:03:35] [SPEAKER_02]: of text messages that were like

[01:03:37] [SPEAKER_02]: and messages like I threw something

[01:03:39] [SPEAKER_02]: at the TV and I was like thank you

[01:03:41] [SPEAKER_02]: but it was that it is that thing

[01:03:43] [SPEAKER_02]: though like I did not know until

[01:03:45] [SPEAKER_02]: we got the scripts

[01:03:47] [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't know until I got the script 7 and 8

[01:03:49] [SPEAKER_02]: and Terry was busy shooting

[01:03:51] [SPEAKER_02]: and like we ended up talking about it but like I did not know

[01:03:54] [SPEAKER_02]: and we didn't really

[01:03:55] [SPEAKER_02]: talked about it

[01:03:57] [SPEAKER_02]: but I was like alright and at first

[01:03:59] [SPEAKER_02]: there's part of your there's part of you as an actor

[01:04:01] [SPEAKER_02]: that goes it's because they don't like me

[01:04:03] [SPEAKER_02]: I did a bad job

[01:04:06] [SPEAKER_02]: and I was like

[01:04:07] [SPEAKER_02]: oh no it's because they were building it this way

[01:04:09] [SPEAKER_02]: like you know they

[01:04:11] [SPEAKER_02]: chose you because

[01:04:13] [SPEAKER_02]: it mattered

[01:04:15] [SPEAKER_02]: and you want to take the risk

[01:04:17] [SPEAKER_02]: you want to go game of thrones right

[01:04:19] [SPEAKER_02]: you don't want to

[01:04:21] [SPEAKER_02]: kind of be like we're not going to do

[01:04:23] [SPEAKER_02]: here we're going to do somebody who doesn't matter

[01:04:25] [SPEAKER_02]: if you're going for the emotional gut punch

[01:04:27] [SPEAKER_02]: and it was really it's brave

[01:04:29] [SPEAKER_02]: it's the bravest hell of them

[01:04:30] [SPEAKER_02]: makes me mad

[01:04:32] [SPEAKER_01]: we were afraid that one of the main

[01:04:35] [SPEAKER_01]: characters we're going to die for like is Picard going to die

[01:04:37] [SPEAKER_01]: like we don't know what's happening

[01:04:38] [SPEAKER_01]: so yeah we were definitely at the edge of our seats

[01:04:40] [SPEAKER_01]: during those 10 weeks

[01:04:42] [SPEAKER_01]: so the next question is from my friend Jay

[01:04:45] [SPEAKER_01]: he's helped me out with the podcast

[01:04:47] [SPEAKER_01]: here and there on some of my episodes

[01:04:49] [SPEAKER_01]: and his question for you was

[01:04:50] [SPEAKER_01]: what were your inspirations for how you played

[01:04:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Tevin and did you look at other Vulcan

[01:04:55] [SPEAKER_01]: characters

[01:04:57] [SPEAKER_02]: well

[01:04:59] [SPEAKER_02]: Terry was very

[01:05:00] [SPEAKER_02]: once we decided Tevin was

[01:05:03] [SPEAKER_02]: indeed a

[01:05:05] [SPEAKER_02]: was indeed a

[01:05:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Vulcan

[01:05:08] [SPEAKER_02]: and then I got to and then he agreed that

[01:05:10] [SPEAKER_02]: we could make her because we also had a big conversation

[01:05:13] [SPEAKER_02]: about like the bald like is it bald

[01:05:14] [SPEAKER_02]: are there bald Vulcans both on I came back and like

[01:05:17] [SPEAKER_02]: wanted she's like a quarter

[01:05:19] [SPEAKER_02]: delton what about that

[01:05:21] [SPEAKER_02]: and he was like okay

[01:05:22] [SPEAKER_02]: he was like okay but when the

[01:05:25] [SPEAKER_02]: fans find out prepared to answer questions

[01:05:27] [SPEAKER_02]: about sex and I'm like okay

[01:05:30] [SPEAKER_02]: all right then

[01:05:31] [SPEAKER_02]: so

[01:05:33] [SPEAKER_02]: once we knew like we knew

[01:05:35] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean when I auditioned I thought it was a Vulcan

[01:05:36] [SPEAKER_02]: like that's how I played it and then we just

[01:05:39] [SPEAKER_02]: went there because

[01:05:41] [SPEAKER_02]: and you know I took that initial

[01:05:43] [SPEAKER_02]: inspiration from Leonard Nimoy

[01:05:47] [SPEAKER_02]: then

[01:05:47] [SPEAKER_02]: once I got the job

[01:05:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Terry had the

[01:05:51] [SPEAKER_02]: production secretary send me

[01:05:53] [SPEAKER_02]: a list of all

[01:05:55] [SPEAKER_02]: the

[01:05:55] [SPEAKER_02]: all of the Vulcan heavy episodes

[01:05:59] [SPEAKER_02]: from because from basically

[01:06:01] [SPEAKER_02]: all the series to watch

[01:06:04] [SPEAKER_02]: I had already started

[01:06:05] [SPEAKER_02]: back on the original series mostly

[01:06:07] [SPEAKER_02]: watching you know watching Leonard

[01:06:09] [SPEAKER_02]: and then I did a deep

[01:06:11] [SPEAKER_02]: dive into memory

[01:06:13] [SPEAKER_02]: alpha

[01:06:15] [SPEAKER_02]: so it was memory alpha

[01:06:17] [SPEAKER_02]: it was it was mostly

[01:06:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Leonard Nimoy it was mostly that

[01:06:23] [SPEAKER_02]: because

[01:06:23] [SPEAKER_02]: we'd added the little bit of delton

[01:06:25] [SPEAKER_02]: to her

[01:06:26] [SPEAKER_02]: I used

[01:06:28] [SPEAKER_02]: them every alpha

[01:06:30] [SPEAKER_02]: to figure out what the

[01:06:32] [SPEAKER_02]: characteristics were

[01:06:34] [SPEAKER_02]: that might

[01:06:36] [SPEAKER_02]: be delton like because everything's always

[01:06:38] [SPEAKER_02]: like sexy delton I'm like yeah but

[01:06:40] [SPEAKER_02]: you know Jean Romberry wrote a whole thing

[01:06:42] [SPEAKER_02]: in Star Trek the book

[01:06:44] [SPEAKER_02]: about how deltons could

[01:06:46] [SPEAKER_02]: just like

[01:06:48] [SPEAKER_02]: because they were super creative could also

[01:06:50] [SPEAKER_02]: when it came to science and stuff could like really

[01:06:52] [SPEAKER_02]: see things

[01:06:53] [SPEAKER_02]: right like that

[01:06:55] [SPEAKER_02]: aspect of it as well and so

[01:06:57] [SPEAKER_02]: I just basically

[01:06:58] [SPEAKER_02]: took those characteristics

[01:07:01] [SPEAKER_02]: and dove into it because you know my

[01:07:03] [SPEAKER_02]: my biggest thing was

[01:07:05] [SPEAKER_02]: you know when was

[01:07:07] [SPEAKER_02]: the fact that I feel like sometimes

[01:07:09] [SPEAKER_02]: when people play Vulcan

[01:07:11] [SPEAKER_02]: but there tends to be a

[01:07:13] [SPEAKER_02]: misnomer that they do

[01:07:15] [SPEAKER_02]: not feel and so people

[01:07:17] [SPEAKER_02]: play them they play

[01:07:19] [SPEAKER_02]: their stoicism

[01:07:21] [SPEAKER_02]: as

[01:07:23] [SPEAKER_02]: unemotional

[01:07:25] [SPEAKER_02]: they're as non-emotional

[01:07:27] [SPEAKER_02]: and it's not

[01:07:28] [SPEAKER_02]: non-emotional they just

[01:07:30] [SPEAKER_02]: don't control their emotions

[01:07:32] [SPEAKER_02]: so we had lots of meditating

[01:07:35] [SPEAKER_02]: because basically

[01:07:36] [SPEAKER_02]: if you look at the history of the Romulan

[01:07:38] [SPEAKER_02]: Vulcan split and Star Trek being like

[01:07:41] [SPEAKER_02]: because they were such a volatile people

[01:07:43] [SPEAKER_02]: because you know this is all allegory

[01:07:45] [SPEAKER_02]: for humankind

[01:07:47] [SPEAKER_02]: basically Vulcan started

[01:07:49] [SPEAKER_02]: basically the Vulcans became Buddhists

[01:07:51] [SPEAKER_02]: they all started meditating

[01:07:53] [SPEAKER_02]: and like getting control over their emotions

[01:07:55] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like oh okay

[01:07:57] [SPEAKER_02]: so with that stuff

[01:07:59] [SPEAKER_02]: that was like okay

[01:08:00] [SPEAKER_02]: where does this sit and as somebody

[01:08:03] [SPEAKER_02]: who is a very

[01:08:04] [SPEAKER_02]: can be a very volatile human

[01:08:06] [SPEAKER_02]: in terms of having big feelings

[01:08:08] [SPEAKER_02]: I was like I don't know what this is

[01:08:10] [SPEAKER_02]: and then

[01:08:12] [SPEAKER_02]: because instead of being like

[01:08:14] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't feel things

[01:08:16] [SPEAKER_02]: it's the change of being like

[01:08:17] [SPEAKER_02]: no I just don't feel them too

[01:08:20] [SPEAKER_02]: oh that is what I'm feeling

[01:08:21] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm really curious about like really analyzing it

[01:08:23] [SPEAKER_02]: and actually instead of being

[01:08:25] [SPEAKER_02]: away from it

[01:08:27] [SPEAKER_02]: fully being in it

[01:08:28] [SPEAKER_02]: but just being in a way that's really analytical

[01:08:32] [SPEAKER_02]: as opposed to like

[01:08:33] [SPEAKER_02]: just lets it fly

[01:08:35] [SPEAKER_01]: no

[01:08:37] [SPEAKER_01]: that's an awesome answer

[01:08:40] [SPEAKER_01]: I love that

[01:08:41] [SPEAKER_01]: and the thing is I think

[01:08:42] [SPEAKER_01]: like you said a lot of people forget

[01:08:44] [SPEAKER_01]: that Vulcans do feel

[01:08:46] [SPEAKER_01]: and they're just in control of the emotions

[01:08:48] [SPEAKER_01]: I think what was different for Spock

[01:08:50] [SPEAKER_01]: was just because he also had his human

[01:08:52] [SPEAKER_01]: excitement to him

[01:08:53] [SPEAKER_01]: so he really had to try

[01:08:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I think probably harder

[01:08:58] [SPEAKER_01]: than most Vulcans because

[01:09:00] [SPEAKER_01]: he had to fight those emotions

[01:09:02] [SPEAKER_01]: but it wasn't like he didn't have them

[01:09:05] [SPEAKER_01]: we've seen those episodes

[01:09:06] [SPEAKER_01]: where he's like I'm in control of my emotions

[01:09:08] [SPEAKER_01]: and he's bawling

[01:09:09] [SPEAKER_01]: right so

[01:09:10] [SPEAKER_01]: those were just the moments

[01:09:12] [SPEAKER_01]: but I'm going to go ahead and wrap this up

[01:09:15] [SPEAKER_01]: so real fast guys

[01:09:17] [SPEAKER_01]: remember

[01:09:17] [SPEAKER_01]: you can find more Crusher Convote content

[01:09:21] [SPEAKER_01]: by liking and subscribing here on YouTube

[01:09:23] [SPEAKER_01]: you can find me and Stephanie

[01:09:25] [SPEAKER_01]: over at Threads and Instagram

[01:09:27] [SPEAKER_01]: you can buy merch over

[01:09:29] [SPEAKER_01]: at Tee Public, find me on your favorite

[01:09:30] [SPEAKER_01]: app like Apple Spotify or Good Pods

[01:09:33] [SPEAKER_01]: and if you would like to support the pod

[01:09:35] [SPEAKER_01]: you can do so by buying

[01:09:37] [SPEAKER_01]: me a coffee or joining Patreon

[01:09:39] [SPEAKER_01]: and all this is on my website

[01:09:40] [SPEAKER_01]: at CrusherConvo.com

[01:09:43] [SPEAKER_01]: and my Admiral Crusher Shoutout

[01:09:44] [SPEAKER_01]: goes to Engineer Mark who is a

[01:09:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Patreon member so thank you Mark

[01:09:49] [SPEAKER_01]: for your support

[01:09:50] [SPEAKER_01]: and Stephanie, thank you for joining me

[01:09:53] [SPEAKER_01]: tonight do you have anything to plug

[01:09:55] [SPEAKER_01]: or where people can find

[01:09:57] [SPEAKER_01]: you like I said

[01:09:58] [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I'm going to plug this because

[01:10:00] [SPEAKER_02]: it's making it I'm so

[01:10:02] [SPEAKER_02]: in awe of people who consistently make podcasts

[01:10:05] [SPEAKER_02]: every week like the one podcast we did

[01:10:07] [SPEAKER_02]: was a capsule episode for Kimo Skinny but

[01:10:09] [SPEAKER_02]: I helped my husband

[01:10:11] [SPEAKER_02]: I was a co-producer of sorts

[01:10:14] [SPEAKER_02]: and we had some engineering problems

[01:10:16] [SPEAKER_02]: because our engineer has a real job

[01:10:18] [SPEAKER_02]: and

[01:10:19] [SPEAKER_02]: we did something called

[01:10:22] [SPEAKER_02]: Package of Excellence

[01:10:23] [SPEAKER_02]: which is a sixth part

[01:10:25] [SPEAKER_02]: with three are out so far

[01:10:27] [SPEAKER_02]: podcast series about

[01:10:29] [SPEAKER_02]: the making and the remaking

[01:10:31] [SPEAKER_02]: of Caligula the Movie it was just

[01:10:33] [SPEAKER_02]: released it was a famous movie from 1978

[01:10:36] [SPEAKER_02]: you were super

[01:10:37] [SPEAKER_02]: you were super too young to do this

[01:10:39] [SPEAKER_02]: but basically it was the most expensive

[01:10:41] [SPEAKER_02]: porn movie ever made it was produced by Bob

[01:10:43] [SPEAKER_02]: Puccioni directed

[01:10:45] [SPEAKER_02]: by a guy named Tito Brons written by Gore

[01:10:47] [SPEAKER_02]: of Adel starring Helen

[01:10:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Miran John Gilgood Peter O'Toole

[01:10:51] [SPEAKER_02]: and Malcolm McDowell it was

[01:10:53] [SPEAKER_02]: just we cut and re-released I think

[01:10:55] [SPEAKER_02]: you can get it on Apple the movie itself

[01:10:58] [SPEAKER_02]: and

[01:10:58] [SPEAKER_02]: they played it at Elmo Draft House

[01:11:00] [SPEAKER_02]: but the behind the scenes

[01:11:02] [SPEAKER_02]: like

[01:11:03] [SPEAKER_02]: above of it is insane and crazy

[01:11:06] [SPEAKER_02]: and I'm so unplugging it because

[01:11:08] [SPEAKER_02]: you will not be bored

[01:11:10] [SPEAKER_02]: you will not be bored

[01:11:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh awesome that sounds interesting

[01:11:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna definitely check that out

[01:11:16] [SPEAKER_02]: I keep posting it on my Instagram

[01:11:18] [SPEAKER_02]: and but it's called Package of Excellence

[01:11:20] [SPEAKER_02]: it's on Apple

[01:11:22] [SPEAKER_02]: it's everywhere you can get your podcasts but

[01:11:24] [SPEAKER_02]: yeah they're like half hour episodes and if you have a commute to work

[01:11:27] [SPEAKER_02]: they're fully worth it

[01:11:30] [SPEAKER_02]: because the 70s were crazy time

[01:11:32] [SPEAKER_02]: until

[01:11:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean I just missed it

[01:11:36] [SPEAKER_01]: like I said I was born in 85

[01:11:37] [SPEAKER_01]: but you know I had the tail end

[01:11:39] [SPEAKER_01]: of where my brother was born

[01:11:42] [SPEAKER_01]: in the 70s so he kind of just showed me the way

[01:11:44] [SPEAKER_02]: oh also if there's anybody

[01:11:45] [SPEAKER_02]: who is a cancer

[01:11:47] [SPEAKER_02]: have her newly diagnosed

[01:11:49] [SPEAKER_02]: survivor, thriver and you want to join

[01:11:51] [SPEAKER_02]: in behind a pink ribbon

[01:11:53] [SPEAKER_02]: please hit me up on the social medias

[01:11:55] [SPEAKER_02]: mostly Instagram is easiest way to get in touch with me

[01:11:57] [SPEAKER_02]: and give us your video man

[01:11:59] [SPEAKER_02]: we want to hear your voice

[01:12:01] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah and her handle is right below

[01:12:04] [SPEAKER_01]: my name there

[01:12:05] [SPEAKER_01]: he says so

[01:12:07] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah hit you up

[01:12:08] [SPEAKER_01]: thank you so much I totally enjoyed

[01:12:11] [SPEAKER_01]: this chat and us talking about

[01:12:13] [SPEAKER_01]: your journey and star trek

[01:12:15] [SPEAKER_01]: and all the good things no pun intended

[01:12:19] [SPEAKER_01]: so anyways guys thanks so much

[01:12:21] [SPEAKER_01]: have a nice night

[01:12:23] [SPEAKER_01]: live long and prosper

[01:12:25] [SPEAKER_01]: bye